Saving Money on Christmas

Definitely never thought I'd be writing this post, HOWEVER.

This year we actually started planning Christmas gifts in November, which although is probably late for most of you, is actually pretty early for us. Advent is a hectic time for Tom and I can get so swept up in it, that I get lost too. This year, however, we really needed to budget and so we had to plan ahead, and this is what we did...


Well, first we ogled pictures of Zuzu dressing up 'as Baby Moses.'

-1-

Plan.

Don't roll your eyes! Planning helps. I bought Catholic Icing's Christmas and Advent Planner, which was seriously the best investment EVER. It's an entire binder of printables that helps you be organized and gives you things to do for the season, prayers, etc. She encourages you to pick and choose what works for your family and to NOT try to do it all.
Included in this binder is a gift planning section! It has a section for planning DIY gifts, budgeting, and the gift list itself. We used that and it was very, very helpful to keep us on track so I wasn't scrambling around for the scrap of paper that I wrote my ideas on. For $12, it's a complete lifesaver.

Other life savers: seeing how cute your child would be in winter clothes, but being thankful you don't have to go through the boots-hat-coat-mittens routine every day

-2-

Shop around & Stack Discounts/Cash back Offers 

The big face-off is between brick and mortar and online: many discounts are only available online and others, only in store. I won't even consider online if I don't get free shipping, which most offer during the holidays anyway. The key to shopping around, though, is considering how you can get money back. For online shopping, you should ALWAYS have an eBates account (gives you money for going through their website to buy things at other websites - Dwija endorsed!!) and check to see if your credit card gives you money back too (Discover does).
I use Google shop to compare prices between big box stores like Walmart, Target, Amazon, etc. Also, since a lot of stores right now are offering $25 off of $200, etc., consider stacking presents at one store so that you can save overall. Even better? Use the website Cash Back Monitor to see where the greatest cash back offers come from, and see if you can get accounts/cards that offer the best ones, just to use for these gifts.

-3-

DIY It

Don't shudder with terror - lots of DIYs are perfectly lovely gifts that aren't as time consuming as you'd think.
How about all those people you want to give gifts to, but can't afford to buy for? Like if you have 4 kids and a bajillion teachers? Mix up a big batch of salt scrub and place it in cute glass jars with a tag - a useful gift that's fun to make. I always do cookies for the neighbors - platters from the dollar store, plus some no-frosting Christmas cookies are very lovely and appreciated.
Have you given up sewing homemade gifts? My tried-and-true hand sewn gifts are lap duvets (just big pillow cases! no reason to be intimidated!) and table runners. Really, these are very easy gifts that can be dashed off in an evening - even for people without sewing experience! Although fabric can be expensive, I often look at table cloths/old sheets at Goodwill - some of them have very lovely patterns and are very inexpensive for the amount you need.

-4-

Family Gifts

We simply can't afford to give a gift to everyone in our extended families, as much as we'd love to. But we can afford to do family gifts that can be enjoyed by everyone! We usually do a box of citrus (because we're the FL branch of Tom's family), boxes of our favorite chocolates (it's a Christmas tradition to have this around in my family), or a new board game.
If you feel you have to give gifts to individuals, but know you can't afford, just make this year the year to make a new tradition - send a nice Christmas card with your family gift, explaining how much you love everyone and hope this token lets them know you're thinking of them/missing them this Christmas season. Bite the bullet!


The Minnie and Mickey pictured are courtesy of my parents - as is her coat, hat, boots, the dress is from Tom's aunt and uncle, and the tights are from Tom's parents. Suffice it to say, we'd never be able to take care of our child without our families! 

-5-

Pool Your Resources 

If there's a big gift you've been eyeing for one of your children or another family member, see if you can get everyone to go in on it. Jen's family all went in on her camera one year, enabling them to get her a great camera and great accessories to go with it (bag, strap, etc.). One year I had everyone go in on an eReader for my mom and a diamond bracelet for my sister - gifts that would've been out of reach for each of us individually, but that worked all of us together.

-6-

Don't Give

We don't give Zuzu presents yet, really. There's not a reason to - her grandparents are very generous, as is the rest of her family, and how many presents does a 2 year old really need before she goes numb with toy overload? I usually buy one or two nice books that I've wanted to add to our collection - ones that I know we'll treasure for years and that are more expensive. Then I call it a day.
Make sure that the present you're considering buying is intentional and meaningful before you go in on it - there's no need to add to the materialist noise if you know it won't really make a difference for your family.


Grandparents spoil her in so many ways - in gifts and time.

A Christmas Review

I don't know what I thought Christmas would be like as I got older, but I'm pretty sure I still anticipated it being about me - being showered with gifts, mostly.

Thank goodness I grew up, and am less (please much less) selfish.

The nice thing is that now I really love Christmas in a whole new way - I love buying gifts for my family, I love making gifts now (thanks to my awesome sewing machine that I got for mother's day this year!), and I love introducing Zuzu to all the beautiful traditions, both new and old, that are dear to my heart.

Here are some highlights of our season so far: 

Her getting to wear this long sleeve RL dress. It's adorable.

Advent cleaning and organizing - making my measuring cups accessible and clearing up some much-coveted drawer space!

Laughing when we realized we didn't have enough lights to finish off the tree, and were too lazy to go get some more...luckily on Christmas Eve our neighbor noticed and gave us an extra strand

The constant destruction of the Little People Nativity set

My big Christmas gift from the hubs - this AWESOME mirror for over the piano! It's so beautiful, I can't even express how much I love it!!

Our beautiful name plaque that Jen gave us, which now hangs proudly next to our front door.

My new beach cruiser! The perfect gift from my parents; I am getting Zuzu a seat and we're going to be able to bike places together! 

And that's just what I've managed to get pictures of so far. I was blessed to be able to give gifts I truly wanted to give - I made two mothers (my mama and my MIL) table runners, which was such a fun thing to work on while I prayed for and thought of both of them. (Advent always makes me more cognizant of mothers and all the ways my life is blessed by them) I got the husband a case for his iPhone (so maybe these ones will last??), and got my dad a great tool box (that I now realize we need as well). 

But what did we get Zuzu? 

NOTHING. 

That's right - we are big meanies. But we were so overwhelmed by so many lovely gifts from all our extended family and friends, what could she need? She can barely process all the new toys as it is! By far of course, her favorite is her bay-bee: 

She got a baby doll, and a doll bed, blanket, and pillow. This is made all the more special because the doll was picked out by her GG & Aunt Sally, then the bed was made by her cousin Raf and Grampy, and GG made the pillow and blanket! Isn't that wonderful? She loves to take her baby with her, set her down, lay the blanket over her and adjust the pillow. She's truly my little mami. 

Overall, this season has started so peacefully. Christmas Day dinner was exceedingly simply (roast beast, mac n cheese, done) and the following days have been relaxing and picking up. To be honest, I don't even have our ornaments on the tree - but who cares? There are Tasha Tudor books to read to my babe, square foot gardening to dream of, ornate boxes to put my jewelry in, monogrammed bags to hold my things...

But really, there is love. There is my cozy little nest that I am still working on, filled with warmth and love. I have a home of my own, and a family to take care of. I am still so often struck with wonder and joy that this is my life! There is a rosy-cheeked baby who calls me 'mama' (very often) and a husband that calls me darling, and I couldn't ask for a thing more. 

In Advent

I have survived Advent this year by telling myself that it is okay to do most of my celebrating at Christmastime. Y'know - those 8, or 12, or however many days after December 25th - when we're supposed to be really celebrating the birth of Christ! I put so many things back there: baking cookies, pulling out aaaall the decorations (not just the few I've been putting out, bit by bit), mailing our Christmas cards, etc.

Picking out our tree on St. Nicholas day

The result is it's December 23rd and I feel a little sad that my house took so long to get Christmas-y. I'm reconditioning myself to put more in at the end, but it's hard - hard to have it feel like Christmas when there's no extended family gathering on Christmas Eve (which is our tradition); hard when Christmas comes in with a quiet hush, not a roar. Christmases in my family always seemed so... LOUD. Tons of people. Food. Drink. Presents! And more and more people - especially kids. I have nine nieces and nephews on my side - plus my three siblings and their spouses and my parents and usually everyone's dogs - so that's a lot of people in our modest homes. I love that squished feeling of Christmas Eve - our house so bursting with love and life.

Some days, my house feels so empty and quiet in contrast.

It's most often just the two of us - and sometimes, she's quite quiet

I love being Zuzu's mother - I love having this time with her as my only child. There is nothing I would trade for those sweet nursing moments that we are still treasuring (especially now that she can sign 'please nurse?'). Yet Christmastide will now always bring to mind the memory of Francis, our first baby, gone home before I could even behold him. And sometimes, my house seems a little empty - I wonder what it would be like right now to be the mom of two instead of one. I wonder if that loss is why I feel like I'm always forgetting someone at the table, why I have a vaguely guilty feeling that Zuzu is an only child.

So I started wondering: what if we invited someone new to the table? We're open - we're always open - to new life. But it seems we're on the slower fertility plan, for now at least. What if we did a bit more than send an open invitation to God to bless us - what if we went out and looked for blessings instead?

What if we adopted? 

My compassionate tendencies lean towards adoption. I took the adoption law class at UA Law and talked about it with Mr. O. It comes up, from time to time, both of us furrowing our brows and thinking, maybe. But our hearts have always seemed unready and thinking is all we did. And then suddenly, just last week, something shifted and we seemed to want to do more than talk. So we did - we sent inquiries and began researching.

In between taking Zuzu to Christmas parties

That's where we are. We're researching, thinking, praying - and trying to talk to those in the adoption community. I'm trying to reach out and ask people, "what's it really like? how do your biological children adjust? are we crazy?" There is so much to take in and while at first I thought - yes come Holy Spirit - this is awesome! Lets do it! Adopt all the kids! - now my naturally cautious nature is saying, not so fast, lets do some research, lets get a realistic picture, lets make sure you aren't commodifying children.

The outside trappings of Christmas are more simple this year, maybe because of all this interior preparation. But mostly I'm grateful that this Advent has been the first one that has really moved me in the direction I think I was supposed to go - to make room for a child in a world where there is no room, even when the end of the story is as yet shrouded in mystery. Even if that room doesn't end up being in my home any time soon, maybe it's in my prayer life - maybe it's in my home in the years to come.

Whatever it is, and whenever, I hope I'm ready to make room when the time comes.

Oh, come, oh, come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to you, O Israel!

What's Worth Waiting For?

Tonight with the teens, we discussed chastity. The theme of the night was Gift - the gift of ourselves, to God or our spouse. And it tied in so perfectly, on this first Sunday of Advent, when so much of the world is thinking about gifts!

Encouraging my 5th grade CCD class this morning to hold off on celebrating Christmas, I felt a bit like Scrooge. I explained to them some traditions Mr. Oram and I do, and they were aghast. Where is the Christmas tree? Where are the cookies, the music, the lights? Where is the full nativity? How could I prevent Zuzu all the fun of a real old-fashioned secular Christmas season??

But these two themes - Advent prep and gifts - got me thinking about what is really worth waiting for. When we know something is going to be reeeally good if we wait, we're willing to wait. It's only events or matters of little consequence that we just want to 'get it over with.' We wait and plan our weddings, wait and plan big parties or date nights - we agonize over what to wear, the food, the guest list. We'd be insulted if someone said we should just wear our wedding dress around town before the wedding, because it's so pretty and fun - um, excuse me, this is for something SPECIAL, we'd say, and besides it's not really appropriate if it's not my actual wedding.

I am so glad it was my liturgically-correct husband that insisted we not listen to Christmas music. At first I grumbled, just like my 5th graders, but now - oh now. Now I'm excited. Christmas gets to be special again - instead of the apex of a near-frenzied season of shopping-wrapping-baking-rushing-exhaustion, I can prepare little by little, focusing on my heart, and then let all of that interior preparation burst forth into the Christmas season! Christ's birth is worth waiting for - it is worth it not to cheat the Incarnation out of it's significance.

This year, as Mr. Oram and I sat down and brain-stormed, I realized what a blessed way this is to celebrate the season. We can buy our tree in Advent, but will wait to decorate it until Christmas Even or even Christmas Day (although we may have lights on it beforehand...I do adore that twinkly light glow!). We will light our Advent wreath and say our prayers. I have decided to veil every Sunday (instead of sporadically, whenever I can find my veil) this Advent, and bought a new veil especially. We began and will finish consecrating ourselves to the Blessed Virgin, using a new way that is certainly easier on us as parents, although I'm not sure that I prefer it yet.

And then, when Christmas comes, I will do all the other things: I will bake, deck the halls with bows of holly, play Christmas music, put a baby Jesus on every thing in the world, and get the tree all gussied up. I'll be able to bask in the light of Christ's coming: we will be on a break from CCD and youth group, my family will come up, Mr. Oram's work load will momentarily slacken. We will celebrate Christmas - not a moment too soon.

To be honest, I need this time of preparation. I'm not ready yet for Christ; my heart has been wearied these past few months. I need time to ready my heart and soul for the Christ-child. I am grateful that the Church in her wisdom has preserved this season for me, that I can come to Christmas Mass rejoicing and rested, instead of frazzled and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I hope everyone's Advent is off to a roaring start. And if you need ideas, I very highly recommend checking out Catholic Icing's ebook Advent Christmas Planner. It is exactly what I need to figure out what to do with these four weeks, and I really hope she puts together an ebook for each liturgical season!

*None of these links are affiliate; just for fun. :)

How is Your Christmas?

Are you running around doing last minute things, or are you with it enough to have some peace and quiet?

My house is messy, my family is gathering up in far away places (Orlando and Valparaiso), my darling Mr. O is at work, the high today is 81, and for Christmas dinner we're having a decidedly non-Christmassy pork and pasta.

But it's still such a Happy Christmas!

Do you remember last year's Christmas? I do. It was sad and dark and dim. I still think of, and ask the intercession of, my darling Frances-baby, every night. 

And this year...this year God shows himself to be the God of second chances, the God of fulfilled promises, the God of renewal. This Christmas, just like last year but different, 

I am a mother!

And that is a great reason to say with my whole heart -

MERRY CHRISTMAS, MY BEAUTIES! 

Christmas Peace

It has been a great comfort to realize that each day truly is new: just because I am miserable one moment, does not mean the next will be the same. I find that this is a great mercy from God, that my feelings are transient and do not stay for long. It is perhaps the mark of the most virtuous (wo)man that (s)he does not make decisions or even consider too greatly his/her own feelings: reason rules affectation.

I received a great deal of peace on Christmas Eve, before Midnight Mass. I came early for lessons and carols, but I decided to slip out to the Adoration chapel during the songs. As I knelt in prayer, I told Jesus honestly that I just didn't know what to pray for - I didn't know what I needed and I couldn't even begin to think of how to ask. But all I wanted was to do God's will, and I knew that even in my grief, I had to remain focused on doing the will of God. 

The Apotheosis of St. Thomas Aquinas by Francisco Zurbaran; he is the champion of reason, even if he knew crap about women! 

And it occurred to me that although there is a proper time and place to grieve, self-pity is never acceptable. I know that within my heart, some of my genuine grief over the loss of my darling Frances had turned to self-pitying indulgences. No longer were my eyes stinging because I so dearly wanted to hold my child, but just because I wanted to be miserable - and I was glad to have a reason to do it. Tasks I knew I had the strength and energy to do, I was excusing myself from simply so I could be idle and depressed. And as I knelt and prayed, I felt Jesus quietly admonish me: the most virtuous woman would not allow her feelings cloud the reality and truth of the situation, tragic though it may be. She would continue to love God, despite her pain and sorrow. My favorite theology professor always said, the most virtuous man does the best good the most promptly. And I have always been comforted by facts, for they help me reason and draw me closer to Jesus who is Truth itself. 

Me, praying in front of the altar in the Basilica of St. Paul in Daytona Beach, FL

It occurred to me then that the entire goal of parenting is to get one's child to Heaven, and that with our first child, Tom and I have already succeeded. What a blessing! Indeed, before Frances was given to us, I fear that Tom and I had begun to doubt God in a very subtle way. We knew that children might be a long time in coming, so although we prayed for them, we doubted that God would give them to us; we figured that when we were tired of waiting, we'd take the fertility drugs recommended by my doctor and have a baby then. We had begun to think of ourselves as the authors of life, not as participators in creation with Almighty God; it was almost a contraceptive mentality in part. Although we thought we were trusting God with our fertility, we originally expected many children; we were not ready to receive no children, or just a few children, or perhaps four children very far spaced out. Once it was apparent that we would not get pregnant right away, we thought we controlled the process; we thought we would force God's hand, when we were ready. Never did we say at each stage, "this is where you want us to be, Lord, for you are the author of life; thank you God for giving us what you know we need, even if we don't know why we need it." 

Eucharistic Adoration at a parish in St. Louis; photo taken by Jeff Geerling

This is one of the many gifts my darling Frances has given us: a realization that we have to have faith in God - both hopeful faith that He will grant our prayers in due season, and grateful faith that what He is giving us is for our best good. Trusting God with our fertility means taking whatever He gives us: many children in Heaven, or on Earth, maybe no children, maybe many adopted children. I am not sure how else we would have awoken to our turning from God in our hearts if not for Frances, if not for realizing how precious life is and how much we desire to welcome a new one into our home and hearts. 

With these sweet thoughts and reflections, given so generously to me in prayer, I went back to the church with a quiet peace. It is not to say that I am not still sad, but I feel a great deal more hope and joy at the will of God. I dwelt so much upon the loss of Francis, but I feel so much closer to my child now - knowing that he must pray for us, cheering us on to reach Heaven too, to be rejoined as a family.

Some of my family, a few years ago...that's my dad on the far left, my mom in the middle, and me on the end. 

With this peace in my heart, Christmas Day was pleasant and peaceful - and I didn't cry (at this point, a milestone). We had our big meal when Tom got home from the last Mass (he walked in the door around 12:40) and then opened our presents in a leisurely. We were blessed with many wonderful things, but I was most grateful to lay in my husband's arms, talk about our dreams for the future, and be grateful for the life we got to witness, right before Christmas, our darling Francis child.

Have Yourselves a Merry Little Christmas

Just a quick mobile update to say yes, my lab work came back and yes,  I really was pregnant. It's been a relief to know for sure.

This is the saddest Christmas I can recall. I have a hard time not crying, and I feel so lonely - a deep, aching loneliness that no amount of company can soothe. I miss my child, my Frances. Oddly, I now adore that name, though before I wasn't crazy about it. I am feeling a heartbreak I never knew possible: I love more than I ever thought I could. God give me the strength to bear the weight of so great a love!

I pray you all have the merriest of Christmases and ask you not to be too hard on the grouchy people - maybe they're just sad, maybe it is hard for them to feel Christ's love right now. Christmas is always a blessing but this year, does not feel a joy.

The Good, the True, the Beautiful

Some news is so beautiful, it must be kept in ones heart to ponder, as Mary did with the mystery of Christ her child. I kept my little news in my heart, revealing it to a few, gently coaxing my feeble hope out of its cautious shell, willing it all to be true.

Yet as some dreams blossom, others fade quietly into memories. This week, we lost the baby. Yes, there was a baby - I don't know how long he or she (lets just go with he) lived, we only knew for a few days that we were pregnant, but he has gone home now. We have a saint in Heaven! I feel that's an honor our family doesn't deserve - our own little saint, who surely remembers our intentions at the throne of God. I wish I could have met him, but he must be so happy where he is, that I can't be too sad: my first child will never feel want, fear, sadness or cold. He will never see the ugliness of sin, or feel great pain. He will always be in joyful communion with God, and surely Our Lady will look after him - surely she will make sure my baby is well cared for, she who cared so well for the Christ Child and cares still for all of us.

I wish I knew how to feel: I wasn't even used to his presence yet, I didn't even know how I felt about being pregnant, and then he had gone. I miss him as a person misses an opportunity they didn't know they had until it was taken away: all the joy I could have had, just knowing it was possible for a little bit longer.

I don't know why this happened now, right after I mused about my desire for a child at Christmastime. But since my greatest fear was that somehow, that miracle would never touch my womb, I cannot be too distraught. This little one has left, but he was a sign of hope: not this Christmas, but maybe one in the future, I will have joyful news and joyful waiting. In a way I cannot grasp at this point in time, I am a mother and that has always been my dearest wish. Blighted though my motherhood at this point is, I have gotten to marvel at a miracle smaller than a grain of rice.

I'm sure I will have more thoughts, happier thoughts, more Christmaslike thoughts, at a later time. But for now, I want to think about my child: he who is good and true and beautiful.

The Ebb and Flow of Happiness

Like any sane person, "Christmas" (really, Advent through Christmas Day) has been my favorite time of year since my life began. In my family, just like Thanksgiving, it's celebrated with food, but also decorating and shopping and decorating and getting more time with my huge, messy, constantly feuding family. I love that unlike a lot of other holidays, Christmas has maintained its traditions, even if those who celebrate it don't know the meaning behind them: it's hard to buy trees to display in your house with colored lights at any other time; at no other time in the year do we give gifts to everyone we know (thank Goodness); and people go to church.

Midnight Mass at St. VdP Church in Kansas City, MO; can my church look like this, please?

In years past, Christmas was the happiest time of the year. I looked forward to every single bit of it: the baking and eating of Christmas cookies, fudge, and rice krispy treats, buying the Christmas tree with my Daddy, clandestinely wrapping presents with the door closed in my parent's room, the big parties we would go to or host ourselves, and seeing the Nutcracker at the Bob Carr Theater in Orlando. 

Ok, so this is the Nutcrakcer as done in St. Petersburg, but it's the same concept, right?

But this year, this year it's different. At moments when I feel the greatest joy, I start to spontaneously well up with tears. It happened a lot at the in-laws during Thanksgiving: while browsing through a Christmas store where there were lovely decorations or while setting the table with my MIL's beautiful china. I thought I was just homesick, but it happened this week while we were at Christmas party doing a sing-a-long to "Joseph's Song" and last night while I was arranging fresh greens on our bench that serves as a mantle. Something plucked my heart strings and there I was, fighting back the blurring of the lights while my husband blithely watched "A Muppet Christmas Carol." 

I really loved Bettina and Belinda this year more than usual - probably because I am only now realizing how much daughters really do parrot their mothers!

Maybe it's because, as much as I hate to admit it, I have been hoping, ever since we got married, for a big announcement at Christmastime. I have wanted to identify with the Blessed Virgin's anticipation more than ever before, and every month that I realized it wasn't yet to be, I kept thinking "that's ok, because maybe this way I'll get to tell my parents on Christmas and that'll be so exciting!" And as Christmas draws nearer, I realize: I might not be telling my parents this year. My time to be a mother may not be here yet; it may still be a long way off. And although I can go through my day without ever thinking about it, all these Christmas traditions make my longing a bit sharper. My family, though for most of my life fairly non-religious, has always been (in practice if not in preaching) pro-life. I have nine nieces and nephews and each one was hailed with excitement and anticipation. I know that my family is longing to celebrate with me too, that they are eagerly awaiting my news as much as I am - and I want a child as much for my family, my husband, his family, as for myself. 

Isn't this what everyone wants? 

Yet this is the life of the Christian: we are not guaranteed happiness. Happiness, as other emotions, may come and go, often independent of our desires or conscious thoughts. And though I may not feel quite as happy this Christmas season as I would had my desires of the moment been granted, it does not diminish my much more deep-seated joy at the Incarnation. Thank God, my salvation does not depend on my feelings or upon me getting my way: I can be holy and do God's will whether I ever become a mother or not. This Christmas season more than any other, I am grateful for Mary's sacrifice - maybe she wanted a different life for herself, maybe she wanted to marry Joseph and have many (non-Son-of-God) children - but she chose to say yes to God's will, to be theotokos. It reminds me that although my life may not be what I always thought it would, that doesn't meant it will be devoid of the joy of service and love. 

For that I am supremely grateful. 

The (Sort of) Start to Advent

Blackacre in his natural habitat

I love Advent (and so does my dog), and so despite the lateness of this post, we're going to talk about the beginning of Advent. Mostly I love it because I was always annoyed that we called the time before Christmas "the Christmas season" and then once Christmas happened, it was bam, over. The Catholic Church really knows what she's doing: Advent, then a whole Christmas season! Plus, it allows me to keep my Christmas tree up for-ev-er...or until my husband insists it be taken down and put out of its misery. My dog Blackacre loves it because he gets a big indoor stick to chew on, all the time.

Because my temperament is melancholic, I am very idealistic about liturgical seasons: I always think I'm going to be the BEST! I am convinced that this is going to be the season that I give up all my sins and start levitating with holiness, a la St. Joseph of Cupertino:

But this year the Holy Spirit has counseled me with temperance to be content that "others may become holier than I, provided I become as holy as I should." (Litany of Humility) So I have taken on a few things, given up a few others, in the hopes that I will truly prepare my heart for the coming of Christ. Tom and I are doing the Office of Readings every day together, I am reading the Magnificat Advent Companion and St. Athanasius' "On the Incarnation" a little bit each day, and we are fasting on Fridays from food.

I am excited about all that we have planned. On the day we got back from Thanksgiving, I cleaned our room (which is where we do the majority of our prayers), and did ALL the laundry (the biggest obstacle to a clean room). Now our room is like an oasis of calm, and praying there is really enjoyable. Since watching that Advent video I posted, I feel much more encouraged about my preparations - especially decorating the house! Some Christians or Catholics can begin to lump having a beautifully decorated home into the "worldly secular" concerns about Christmas, along with getting everyone you have ever known a gift and having a fancy Christmas party. But this isn't so; the physical preparations that we do affect our interior dispositions. Although I don't plan to spend a lot of money on the house decoration this season, I still think I can make it beautiful and peaceful in my home - and that's important. It's why the Mass is (ideally) said in beautiful churches, with lit candles and incense, wonderful music, and poetic prayers.

This Advent, I am excited to prepare my heart and my home. I am excited to come closer to becoming the woman that I am called to be, and to receive Christ into my home and heart. And since I'll inevitably mess most of that up, I'm also grateful to be a member of a family that provides a path home for the wayward and weary. I leave you with this wonderful Advent poem by the wonderful St. Ambrose:

In Christ we have all.
Let everyone approach him,
those who are sick because of sins,
who is as if nailed by his lust,
who is still imperfect
but eager to move forward with intense prayer,
who has already grown in m any virtues.
We are all in the hands of the Lord
and Christ is everything for us.
If you wish to heal your wounds, he is a doctor;
if you're burning with fever, he is the spring;
if your'e oppressed by sin, he is justice;
if you need help, he is strength;
if your'e afraid of death, he is life;
if you desire heaven, he is the way;
if you flee darkness, he is light;
if you search for food, he is nutrition.
"Taste," therefore, "and see how sweet is the Lord.
Happy the man who hopes in him" (Psalm 34: 9)

My Attempts at Sainthood are Constantly Thwarted

I had an entire post by this name written out and I like to think it was pretty good. Unfortunately, my mother's computer lost the whole thing, resulting in howls of fury and anger.

Instead, I will report to you all how I have seen 3+ posts from friends about getting their Christmas cards in order. I am not kidding. These are people who have not only had pictures taken, but then also ordered Christmas cards, had them arrive, and are now addressing them. Am I really so far behind? As a single woman, I  never really did Christmas cards. Heck I barely do Christmas presents as most of my friends can attest! But now that I'm married, I feel I should do Christmas cards and now all of my friends are (as usual) showing me up. And since I even care that they are showing me up, it shows just how far to holiness I have to go.

The fact is, I have noticed in myself lately a not-so-latent selfishness that pervades far too many thoughts for my comfort. I can no longer say I am at the point where I do not feel the promptings of the Holy Spirit or where I do not notice my sins; now I feel and see, but I am not responding. There is a spiritual laziness that, when combined with my idealistic aspirations, often results in outright misery when I realize how far away from being holy I am and how desperately much I want to be closer.

So as the season of thanks is coming on, and Advent is approaching, please pray for me my friends - that I will renounce my spiritual laziness and allow myself to be consumed with the spirit of the Living God.