Wherein L'Orangerie Begins to Take Shape (in my mind)

I have come to the realization these days that the entire concept of gardening as a "hobby" is a total racket. Big garden stores (Lowes, Home Depot, Wal-Mart) hope that you'll want to do something outdoorsy when the weather turns nice and so you'll decide to do some planting. You'll come to their store and drop around $100 on soil, pretty plants, some new gloves since your old ones are lost or infested with roaches...and then you'll think about how nice it all looks. Maybe a little later you read an article on a pallet garden or a square foot garden and so you go out and buy everything you need for that (maybe another $100, more or less). But as life goes on and you get busy with the things that you have to do, you forget about your efforts except for sporadic watering and by the time winter comes around, everything is dead or overgrown and ugly. So you take it all out and bemoan your lack of gardening skills because "everything I try to grow dies!"

Pallet garden from Life on the Balcony

Maybe you even try to get MORE serious about it - you actually read the labels on the plants that say whether they grow in sun or shade, try to water more regularly, get some books on gardening. More money to major retailers and still more things wither and die. At one point, you get a red hair to self-sustain your family and grow a vegetable garden, but nothing much comes out of it- not even your raised beds! 

Here's my theory: this is a scam. The more I have gotten into gardening over the past two months, the more I have realized that: a) garden centers (even most local ones) are not your friend, and b) gardening is actually a science called horticulture. I went to my local garden center (read: non-chain!) and saw a HUGE display of beautiful hydrangeas.  I was thrilled, since I love them so much but had thought they could not grow into Zone 11. 

I asked one of their friendly knowledgeable salespeople if this was some new hybrid that could withstand the heat and thrive despite the cold snap hydrangeas usually need. "No," she said. I must've looked confused because she continued "we just sell 'em to people who want the color." My look deepened. "They won't last more than two weeks. Even in a pot." This was not the first nor the last incident that has put me on my guard! I have come to realize that garden centers do not sell what will grow in your zone or area; they don't care if you are buying plants that will die. They will mislabel and sell you plants that cannot grow where you are, but not tell you; so you'll probably blame yourself and come spend more money at their store. 

I am lucky in that my natural suspicious nature made me catch onto this fairly quickly...also I listen to my mother, who knows a lot about gardening in Florida (albeit in Zone 10, which makes a BIG difference!). So I decided I would do what any consummate academic would do and read some books on the subject before I made any big big purchases. Well...even as I'm reading the books about gardening in SW Florida, I'm finding them hard to understand. What is "pinching back" a plant? What does it mean to prune severely versus drastically? As I did more research, I realized that these terms are actually heavily-laden with a meaning and understanding that evades me, the novice gardener. Which is when it hit me: gardening is a science. No one would approach any other branch of science and expect to intuit the right answers as a side-hobby! But we assume that gardening should be something we can just figure out - nevermind soil pH, heat zone maps or those other pesky details! We should be able to shove something in the ground and make it grow! Hm. Not so much. 

A working farm by Louise Magno 

Turns out there's a reason why people used to starve to death back when we were a largely agricultural society - growing things is not necessarily easy. It takes planning and thought, and usually an outlay of money, especially if you live in Florida where the soil is more like sand. So although L'Orangerie is a ways away from where I want it to be, it's nice to be erecting the support of the garden. On Monday the tree crew comes to take down several problem trees (like the palm that is leaning on my house) and clear out some invasive potato vine. From there, I can hopefully start tilling and enriching the soil! Only then can I plant, but it'll be just in time for spring and I hope it'll start moving more quickly then. 

Happy feast day of St. Hilarious! 

Staying Catholic in the Church

It is an easy insult when arguing with a religious person, to say that they are "not being very [insert religious affiliation here]" because they are disagreeing with you vigorously. Among Catholics, we'll change it up a bit and say "you're not being very charitable," which always makes my skin crawl. I agree that sometimes people are uncharitable in arguments, but bringing it up at that time rarely does much to turn it around. (besides, if you can't argue on facts and get your feelings hurt too easily, then don't get into arguments with me people!)

This week, I have witnessed three instances of outright rudeness to church personnel over what amounts to a petty disagreement. Verbal cruelty, cursing, raised voices - like an argument between my parents before they became Catholic! (just kidding, Mom, just kidding) It was something of a shock. I'm a convert; I've never worked in a parish or even belonged to one before  (just Campus Ministries). I had no idea that this sort of thing went on; it took me several months (and many awkward conversations) for me to realize that someone saying they were "Catholic" did  not actually mean we had a whole host of things in common.

I want to dwell on it; more than that, I want to talk about it. I want to talk about what horrible, nasty, rude people they are - how these are the same people who don't kneel at the consecration, won't staff the Adoration chapel, quibble over $5 extra when they own multiple homes, think that the Church is a democratic institution designed to make them happy, etc. I am furious, I am irate - and I am sad.

I love my faith. I love that my Church is big enough for everyone, and that no one has to be perfect although all are called to strive for perfection. "The Catholic Church is for saints and sinners. But for respectable people, the Anglican Church will do," said Oscar Wilde, with a wink no doubt. I don't want to be respectable in the sense of being inline with the status quo - I want to be radically in love with Christ, living a life of heroic virtue. I want to give without measure, even to people who are cruel to me or to my friends or to my Church.

This sort of love is difficult, but the Litany of Humility is making it easier. Tugging on Mary's mantle and asking her to pray for me (aka the Rosary) makes it easier too. I keep repeating to myself  "That others may become holier than I, provided I may become as holy as I should..." to keep my scrupulous tendencies in check. And I keep inviting people over. Hospitality is a wonderful way to love others, and it is a way that I particularly enjoy. Action must be the form of our love as much as prayer, if we are to take Christ as our model. I know that if I keep looking for ways to love, He will show them to me and I will forget about those other people - not in terms of not taking notice of them, but I will forget that their behavior can have any affect on me at all. I will realize that I can love them as much when they are horrid as when they are good, and I will care about their behavior only as it affects their soul and not as it affects my mood. I keep comforting myself with this thought: I will learn to love them if I keep asking Him to show me how.

Obligatory New Years Resolution Post

I'm not big on resolutions, probably because I fail so often. But this year is special for a few reasons: I have more time and money than I usually did as a student, and this year I turn 27. Uh, twenty-seven is not a significant number, Martha.   Yes, yes I hear you, but it's significant to me! When I was thirteen, my eldest sister was twenty-seven and I completely idolized her. I thought she was so beautiful, her kids so sweet, her life so perfect. Now in retrospect I realize her life was not perfect (whose is??), but my sister's sweetness and kindness was such a model for me about the kind of person and mother I wanted to be. I thought to myself, "when I'm twenty-seven, I hope I'm like Kim."

My sister and I at my undergraduate graduation. I'm so excited I'm eating my tassel.

And here it is, folks! This is the YEAR. And I'm...much less like Kim than I always wanted to be. I don't think I'm very sweet, I have no children on earth, and my sister is still way better looking than me (but I think that's just genes). So although I can't say I have a resolution like "be sweeter!", I have a general idea in my head: make this year worthy of twenty-seven.

Katherine over at "Having Left the Altar" has a great post about her new years resolutions that definitely inspired me. I recommend you read the post yourself, but she talks about choosing a word for the year, a word that sort of guides your intentions for that year and focuses you. I'm big on amorphous concepts that involve abstract thinking that one has to apply concretely, so this really appealed to me. I chose the word Humility. Ugh, really? Yes, really. I have noticed lately that I have lost some of the joy in losing myself; I have forgotten the importance of being least and last. To help me towards this goal, I have resurrected the hardest and best prayer ever: The Litany of Humility! ::cue trumpets:: Check it out:

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart,Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...

From the desire of being extolled ...

From the desire of being honored ...

From the desire of being praised ...

From the desire of being preferred to others...

From the desire of being consulted ...

From the desire of being approved ...

From the fear of being humiliated ...

From the fear of being despised...

From the fear of suffering rebukes ...

From the fear of being calumniated ...

From the fear of being forgotten...

From the fear of being ridiculed ...

From the fear of being wronged ...

From the fear of being suspected ...

That others may be loved more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...

That, in the opinion of the world,

others may increase and I may decrease ...

That others may be chosen and I set aside ...

That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...

That others may be preferred to me in everything...

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

This prayer is INTENSE. It was introduced to me in college with the caveat, "be careful; usually when you pray this prayer, it works." But I have always had an instinctual love for this prayer, which seems to me so pure and strong. It attacks the greatest sins in my soul, and draws out situations in which I need to forget myself: when I am not chosen, not praised, honored or preferred. I want to pray this prayer every day, and hopefully it will help me to be more humble and think of ways I can put others before myself. 

Hope your resolutions are going well! 

Essential Catholic Library

Last year, I resolved to start an excellent Catholic library, not only for my own edification, but for that of my future children. I want to be able to say, "ah yes, Chesterton talked about that! It's over here, on the second shelf..." So I started a list of all the books I want in my Catholic library. Then, I came across this thread on CAF. It's as if the devil on my shoulder is saying, here spend a billion dollars you don't have. I mean really! My essential Catholic library already exists - it's located within the walls of the Vatican, along with all the essential art works my home should own (kidding). 

Anyway, if you were looking for any great books to read for the new year, or have any other suggestions for great books to be read (Catholic or not), let me know. I might as well have a complete list, even if I never actually own it in its entirety. 

Catholic Sex

WARNING: I talk about sex below, but not my sex life. Just sex in general. FYI. Dad, please stop reading anyway, thanks!

I was on CAF (Catholic Answers Forum) the other day and someone legitimately asked the question: what  lubricants are permitted by the Catholic Church. I almost fell off my chair. This same person said they knew certain positions were forbidden, but they didn't know which ones, causing me to spill my tea. By the time they got to the end of their post, I think I had destroyed my entire desk area out of slap-stick amazement. I kept yelling out loud, seriously? SERIOUSLY?? 


Now, granted, I come from a liberal atheist background. My mom was very open with me about sex, and because of my love of reading, I had read every book on sex I could get my hands on by the time I was 16 (despite the fact that I wasn't having sex). So when I became Catholic, I had a lot of questions about what Catholics thought about sex and I wanted 'em answered. I found those answers so compelling, I converted and then went right on to my masters work in moral theology (focus on human sexuality) at CUA. I guess I find the academic study of sex more interesting than the average girl.

Best Thomistic introduction to moral theology, including sexual ethics, I have read so far. It's academic, but still accessible. 

I wrote that poster a response, but then I got thinking about how many misconceptions good, Catholic people have about sex and all that it entails. I have had many married Catholic friends who have asked me sex questions that have blown my mind: questions about conception, contraception, NFP, enjoying sex, hygiene, and biology - questions I thought were common knowledge. I know I'm lucky: I got to study these questions in a formal, academic setting, so we covered most all of the bases and I had to buy a ton of books with concise answers and explorations of topics.

My second favorite moral theology primer. Servais Pinckaers' writing is fabulous and several passages of this book have provided wonderful meditation material. 

But...shouldn't there be some resource that helps faithful Catholics have a good sex life? There are a few good books, but not many in terms of practical frank discussions of what being sexual entails. There's a few okay websites, but many of them are Protestant, so they don't address the full breadth of Catholic issues. So I was thinking...what if I did that? What if I started a website geared at helping faithful married Catholics answer the questions they have about sex and sexuality, faithful to the Magisterium, mindful of the teachings of John Paul II, and incorporating modern science? I could recruit other people to write articles for the website so that there's a broader scope than just my own personal, limited experience, take questions submitted via email, and have male and female geared topics. I want to address wedding night sex, sex after kids, sex after menopause, the affect of infertility on a person's sex life, and even include people's personal testimonies about why they started being faithful to the teachings of the Church in a certain sex and/or marriage related area. I of course want to have a resources section with books that are helpful and links to websites with more in-depth articles on certain subjects like NFP, infertility, or common sexual problems.

Best popular book on sex I've read so far, but it doesn't (and can't) answer everything...

So that's what I'm thinking of doing in 2012: starting a Catholic sex website. What do you think? Good idea, bad idea? Do you have any topics suggestions, or would you be interested in being a guest writer? Even better, do you have an idea for a NAME for the website? My husband has been working on this, and so far my favorite is "Hot n' Holy" but I think that sounds more like a porn site than I really want...so any non-porn site suggestions would be appreciated!!