Goals I Never Thought I'd Reach

I apologize for the theme that I will be harping on for probably the next month, the I-can't-believe-my-child-is-a-year-old theme.

I knew she was growing, of course, could see the changes in her day by day and week by week. But somehow, it all felt so far off - all that big kid stuff. She still curls in my lap to nurse, I wear her around the house, she doesn't talk. But then last week she took three steps! Then again and again she did it. Now suddenly she wants to sit at her high chair and eat whole bowls of pasta while demolishing a sippy cup. Where did my baby go?

Teeeny tiiiiny!

Before we got pregnant, when I wondered if children were in God's plan for us, I mentally made myself comfortable with the idea of never being pregnant. I thought about the good works we could do with our extra time and money, I knew we would look into adoption, and I knew that if it was God's will, there would be peace and joy in my heart. But I always viewed it as two choices: a childless life OR a life bursting with children. I thought I'd either be barren or Grace Patton (i.e., many smaller children very close in age).

But it looks like I'm not. It looks like I'm one of those women for whom ecological breastfeeding works REALLY REALLY WELL. i.e., a baby can only come when my cycle returns, i.e., super sorry for the overshare Dad, i.e., maybe I'll ovulate when Zuzu weans, sometime before her freshmen year of high school (was that crossing a line? are you grossed out, Jen? Coll? Sorry!).

I have to make peace with a whole bunch of new ideas about my family. That Zuzu and her siblings might be spaced further apart, that I may have fewer children as a result of that spacing, or that I could have no more children (secondary infertility IS a thing). Isn't it so dumb? You think I'd get it by now - God is in charge of my family! Mr. Oram and I started our life together with the understanding that he always would be, that we would trust him with our family size. But I always thought that would be stoically accepting my childless state while aging gracefully, or blissfully embracing the craziness of six kids in seven years while being able to blame any lingering 10 pounds on constantly being postpartum. I didn't think it'd be smiling graciously through the three-inquiries-in-a-row of "isn't it time she get a sibling?"

I keep trying to type more, but what comes out is not good so I think I'll sign off without any great message or closure.

Just didn't think I'd hit my baby's first birthday without being pregnant.

Anything Your Dad Can Do Mine Can Do...

This post was ready in a partially timely manner but I wanted to fiddle with it and then Zuzu stopped sleeping and my studies are picking up and and and - sigh. So I have a lot more reasons. But there's my abridged list of why my dad is so great. Forgive any typos. I'm really just hitting post here and not looking back!

I don't mean to brag, but my Dad is pretty awesome. 

Ignore the weird girl with the pompom. My dad has a great profile. 

Unlike my mom, my daddy and I have not always been close. We went through a rough time, like a lot of fathers and daughters; it was around age 13. He and my mom were having problems, and I was having none of it. I like to make decisions and my decision was that my dad was a bad person. 

That was a really bad decision. 

My dad could have said, I've done the best I can - I'm not going to bend over backwards to prove to my daughter that I love her. I'm not going to try to convince her. I'm not going to chase her. But he did. My dad spent the next six years making it up to me, trying to show me that he really, really did love me and wanted to be a part of my life. My dad pursued me and pursued my heart; he did not relent, he did not give up. And you guys, I made it difficult - I pushed him away, rolled my eyes, did not say 'I love you back' and (wince) openly told people "I hate my dad." He didn't let that change that he loved me. 

So in case all of that isn't reason enough for my dad to be man of the century year, here's a list (cause we know I love lists) about why my dad is the best: 

1. Storytelling. 

You've never heard anybody tell a story till you've heard my dad tell a story. It's slow and relaxed, like a Southern summer, so you have to listen close but man, it delivers. He tells me about nail driving contests by a bunch of roaming carpenters from Oklahoma, tails of growing up in the South and the Heartland, and memories of us kids when we were little. It's always a fascinating listen. 

2. Straight-shooting. 

My dad likes people to be honest because he is honest. He's not honest like my mom is honest - so honest it'll knock your teeth out - but honest like a river flows, in that it's just what he knows to be. Some people try to make rivers into lakes or change their courses, but they always find their way back to being a river; my dad is like that too. Whenever he is less than honest, he feels it's wrong and comes back to who he is - a plain ol' straight shooter. 

3. Beauty. 

My dad is an artist. He owns a company that creates - creates backgrounds of roller coasters, museum exhibits, anything that falls under 'fabrication and design.' He is also a master carpenter. He used to build houses. He makes beautiful cards. Even his handwriting is like art, like some sort of Art Deco font (he only ever prints). His love of beauty, and dedication to it in his work, taught me to love beauty too and to realize that you should dedicate your life to it, if that's your calling.

4. Be Silly. 

One of my favorite memories is a holiday - Thanksgiving? Christmas? - I don't even know. It was hot, so hot, and I was baking something chocolate. He kept coming in the kitchen and giving advice (giving advice my dad's FAVORITE thing to do - especially if it's a topic he knows nothing about). I kept telling him to stop it, leave me alone. Finally I got so fed up, I dipped my finger in the batter and smeared it on his face! Well, he picked up the spatula and wock! into my hair it went. I was enraged, and laughing, and picked up the whole bowl, ready to toss it - and off he went, scampering out the back door like a naughty child - and I took off after him, round and round the house we went till we collapsed back in the kitchen, calling a truce due to the horrible heat. 

I love how silly my dad is. 

5. Mind Your Manners. 

Do you know phone manners? I mean, when you pick up, what do you say? I'll tell you what - I had the BEST phone manners and message taking abilities of any of my friends growing up because my dad taught me: 

"Hello Rogers residence." 

(yes is david there) 

"May I ask who's calling please?" 

(wonky wonk wonk) 

"Just a moment please, I'll check" ...then check with Dad to see if he wants to talk to WWW, then back to the phone...

"I'm so sorry, he can't come to the phone right now. May I take a message? and how do you spell that? And just to make sure, the number is 123-456? Alright, I'll give him the message. Thank you." 

BOOM.

6. Be Kind.

My Dad is unfailingly kind. Actually, it gets on my mom and I's nerves a lot. Because he's so nice. All the time. My dad is like a throwback to the 1950s; he's so exaggeratedly nice you think he's being sarcastic! But he's not. He's just that nice. 

7. Be Gentle. 

While my father is kind, he is also gentle. That means that in his approach to certain subjects, delicate subjects, he never demanded answers or even a conversation - he would invite, leave the door open, let me know he was willing to talk about it if I wanted. His gentleness in dealing with me and my feelings has been such a blessing many times, when I felt lonely and knew I could turn to him.

I think we look alike! I have his blue eyes...and now so does Zuzu!

8. Look for the Good.

My father always sees the good in other people, and always gives them the benefit of the doubt. Always. I want to complain about people and what jerks they are - I want someone to commiserate with me! But not dad. Dad doesn't do that; he acknowledges there's a problem, but then quickly moves to explore the reason behind that problem or how we can love the person more. Boy, that Christlike attitude is annoying!! :) 

9. Try, Try Again. 

Like I said, my parents marriage wasn't always the best. At one point or another, one or both of my parents wanted out. They were rough years. But once my parents realized they did want to save their marriage, my father worked hard. I mean, really hard! It is hard work to change yourself after a lifetime of being one way - hard to undue patterns of thought, speak, and action that you realize are hurting people or are unhealthy for your marriage. It takes humility and well, he failed a lot. 

But he didn't give up. The person my dad is today is different in some very key ways from the man I grew up with, because he wanted to be better for  his family. That dedication to keep working even after failure stirs my heart - I think I would just have given up.

Wedding montage...

10. Marriage is Forever. 

I mentioned this with my mom too, but it takes two to tango...my parents could have divorced. Lots of people do. What the heck? They weren't happy. Us kids were even saying - divorce! You're miserable! We're miserable! 

But my dad stayed. My dad stayed and did the hard work and worked his butt off to show us that marriage is worth it. And while he worked hard to show love to me and my siblings, he really worked hard to show love to my mom. My parents love is beautiful - I adore their rhythm, their obvious comfort with and adoration of one another. Their affection and consideration of one another is truly Christlike and it constantly challenges me to love my husband like they love one another. What a gift! A gift to me, to their family, to the world - to show that love conquers all. 

11. Say It. 

Not all dads are big on words and there's nothing wrong with that. But my dad is - from the very beginning of my hazy memories, the words I hear loping out of the mist are "I sure do love you, Martha J." That combination and its attendant rhythm are burned in my brain. He said it all the time. All the time. It annoyed me as a teenager; why does he say "I sure do love you," I'd think. Why can't he just say "love you"?? I don't know why he chose that...but it's now the language I use in my own family, so much so that now I catch Mr. Oram using it too. There's something sweet and homey about adding that "sure" in there and then the child's middle name or middle initial. 

What a blessing that the words I remember most are words of love. 

12. Follow the Leader.

Part of the beauty of my parents marriage is my parents' mutual dedication to one another's interests. My dad is a great supporter of my mom's running and my mom encourages my dad's love of history. This respect flows naturally from their recognition that if the other one loves something, it must be because that something is good in some way - and they often strive to see that good as much as possible. 

Nowhere was that as apparent as when my dad followed my mom into the Catholic Church. When my mom started attending the local parish, my father at first let her go alone...but then started going with her. Soon he was going every Sunday. Dad isn't as bookish as mom, or as theologically inclined, but just by going and seeing what the Church is, he was falling in love. He came into the church several years after she did and he did it entirely out of love - love for the Church, yes, but also love for my mother - he knew that wherever she went, he wanted to follow. 

13. He Never Went to College. 

My dad was bright. He did well in high school, was in Latin club, pretty popular guy. But coming from  a working class home and having an eye on the construction business, Dad decided against college. What is looked on as a suicidal career move now has paid off because my dad has incredible skill and a great work ethic. Now the owner of a very successful business, my dad has skills that are not taught at any institute of higher education. He's amazing.

14. You Get What You Ask For.

A great memory of my childhood is Dad drinking Moosehead beer. I'd walk up and boldly declare "I want some beer!" He'd arch an eyebrow and say "oookay," dutifully handing me the green bottle. I'd take the veeeery tiniest of sips and then cry "YUCK! How can you drink that stuff??"...then saunter away. 

I often wonder how easily that could have turned into a toddler tantrum or even just a rebuff. "No, absolutely not, beer is for adults" or "No, go away - I'm talking to my friends." 

15. Put your money where your mouth is.

My dad didn't just talk about me wanting to go to college - he helped me get there. My dad didn't only encourage me in my faith, he sent me on a pilgrimage to France. When my dad supports something, he REALLY supports it - he's willing to help you get there if he can, whatever the goal. In an age where most people just give lip service to 'being supportive,' my dad exemplifies being in your corner however he can. 

16. Pray. 

I never thought this would be on a list about my dad - because we weren't religious, y'know? But here he is...my dad. And he prays. I know he prays. He's made prayer part of his day, and he's not embarrassed about that. Sometimes one of my nieces will ask to accompany him on a walk and he'll politely say, "Well my walks are my prayer time, so you can't come, but I'll see you when I get back."

Dad and my niece, Livvy, as a toddler

17. Nursing is Important. 

I will NEVER forget the weekend that Zuzu was first here and my dad is sitting at the table saying "now, you know, she'll want to  nurse a lot, but it's important you nurse her whenever she needs to, because you're establishing supply..." WHAT. What man says that, to his daughter??? 

My dad! Also the man who calmly sits next to me on the couch as I nurse his grandchild without a cover; he is perfectly comfortable, neither avoiding looking at me or looking too much. To him, breastfeeding is perfectly natural. His attitude has helped me feel so supported as a new mom, and has been a great example to Mr. O about how to treat nursing mothers.

The kneeler we used at our wedding - my daddy made it!

18. Generosity. 

Short of cash? My dad will spot you. Need a lift home? He'll stop when he sees you walking on the side of the road. Need a place to live? A pep talk? A meal, a hand, someone to help you move, a home for your pet, a job for your teenage son? My dad will step in and offer. There is no need too great or too small for my father to try to help - he believes every need that is set before him is God asking him to help, and he responds so generously. If God the Father is extravagant in his love and overwhelmingly mind-blowingly generous, then my dad is an amazing physical example of that reality. I don't know anyone as willing to help people...except maybe for my own husband (a quality that drew me to him like a tractor beam).

19. Evangelize. 

Sometimes new Catholics are obnoxious; I understand - I was one. I was annoying. I'm sure I still am. But my dad isn't. He has maintained a true humility while still - get this - really inviting those around him to know Jesus. He invites everyone - everyone! - to come to Mass with him. No? Okay, maybe next time. Mass, parish events, confession - he invites anyone who is around him to come. When a friend/coworker expressed reluctance about going to confession, my dad offered to ask the priest to come to work so it wouldn't be as intimidating. 

That's truly desiring peace in people's hearts. 

20. Hard Work. 

I don't know anyone that works as hard as my dad. I mean that. My dad works seven days a week. He built a business from the ground up. He takes calls anytime - except during Mass. I learned a great work ethic and commitment to excellence from my Father. If it is made by my dad, he will stand behind it - it will be right or he'll work till it is. I don't know many companies or people like that these days. I strive to give myself fully to my work every day as he does.

All this to say...God knew what he was doing when he sent me to my Daddy. And I am so grateful.


My dad and brother made this for me - on the other side it says "Bama Law." They're amazing.

29 Reasons My Mom is the Bomb

Happy Mother's Day, Ya'll! 

Of course, I wish this to all women who foster their motherhood in some unique way. But I especially wish it today to my own mother. She has been my mom for 29 Mother's Days, so, in honor of her, here are 29 reasons she is the bomb. 

Zuzu and I tell my mom a happy Mother's Day!

-1-

She shaved her head.

My mom shaved her head because she had always wanted to - at the age of 50. She had always wanted to try it...so she did. That's so gutsy. 

-2-

She converted.

My mom became a Catholic 4 years ago - well into adulthood, obviously! Prior to that, she endured a long wait to enter into the Church (2-3 years?) because of some annulment issues. She went to Mass, alone, for a long time - not knowing any of the responses or without any friends. Since I was Catholic too but lived several states away, I could not be there with her. When she felt the tug on her heart, she pursued it...by herself. I find that amazing. 

Mom and I, circa 2009 when she came into the Church!

-3-

She knows how to be a mom!

My mother stayed at home with my brother and I even though it entailed great sacrifice. It wasn't easy to stay at home when my dad was starting his business, and mom went without most of the times so that my brother and I could have what we needed - or just what we wanted. She knew that love meant sacrifice and she embraced that. What an amazing example! 

-4-

She went back to school.

My Mom wanted a college degree, but spent her early years having and raising babies. She always wanted to finish school, but when did she have time? or money? She felt called to teach more children, beyond her own brood, and wanted so much to do so. Well, in 2006, she graduated from the University of Central Florida with a BA in English Literature - one year before her youngest daughter graduated from college! She made that happen and is now an amazing 9th grade English teacher. 

-5-

She runs.

A lot of people wanna-be a lotta things, but they don't follow up. Achieving goals and dreams takes hard work more than luck or motivational posters, and hard work is hard to come by these days. Except for my mom. Once again, proving to herself she could do something, my mom has run two marathons over the age of 50 - including the Marine Corps Marathon in Washington D.C. 

My mom and my niece, Katie, after running the Reindeer Run

-6-

Her laugh! 

My mom has a great, no-holds-barred laugh. She laughs a lot. It's a real treat if you can make her do it. 

-7-

Childhood Christmases. 

I had an amazing childhood, and some of my best memories are from Christmastime. It always seemed like the air was full of magic - the house would be immaculately decorated, we'd have a huge tree, all the meals were special and delicious, served on elegant dishes. We even got to drink Martinelli's out of fancy glasses! She made my Christmas dresses and scrimped and saved so I could get just what I wanted - from Santa, of course. I'll never forget getting my American Girl dolls - which cost far too much, but she wanted me to have them. She made my doll a dress to match the Christmas dress she'd made me. I'm telling you - Christmas at my house was like NO OTHER. 

-8-

Birth is natural.

I have two older sisters and was blessed to be there to welcome several nieces and nephews into the world. I loved that my mom welcomed each grandchild with joy and encouraged my sisters to believe in their ability to birth children. From the time I was quite young, my mom talked about birth in a no-nonsense way; it's something that women can do, she insisted, and have been doing for centuries. Her business-like confidence meant that I grew up believing that my body was built to have children, and birth them naturally and easily. Long before I was married, I knew a great deal about childbirth and had witnessed several. This was such a gift to me! I never had to experience the fear that many moms encounter when they have only seen Hollywood representations of birth - screaming and rude language. I always regarded birth as a natural and sacred event, worthy of respect.

Whoooeeee looking ROUGH - and Zuzu looking like an ALIEN! But here we are, 7.5 hours later, with a healthy baby (in a bathtub!)

-9-

Push Me/Pull Me

My mom has this in spades. When I was younger, I was perplexed that my mother would critique my friends or offer to help me with a teacher that was being hard on me. I (almost?) always refused these requests for help, but found it weird she was even offering. 

Now I get it. After many years, several of the friends my mom was hard on revealed their true nature. And when I thought back over my childhood, I could see they were really just mean kids - and my mom knew that. She knew that. But she also knew she couldn't make my choices for me - there was this push me/pull me going on inside of her, wanting to protect me vs. wanting me to gain independence. It was hard to learn some lessons on my own, but it's made me a better judge of character in the long run. I'm much more cautious about who I consider a best friend; I can easily count them on one hand.

-10-

Marriage is Forever. 

One thing that is evident to most people who meet my parents for the first time is that they are madly in love! Which is great - nothing makes a child feel secure like knowing their parents are in love. 

But it wasn't always this way. My parents went through some very tough years when I was a young teenager, and those years persisted. They had to work through a lot of issues and they didn't get a lot of support; I think us kids were especially hard on mom, and urged her (frequently) to consider divorce. 

I am so glad she didn't. 

Their marriage today is so beautiful, such a testament to love and faithfulness! Fully united now since my dad became Catholic two years ago, they continue to model growth and renewal within the married vocation. That witness has made a great impact on me in my own vocation, so that even when my marriage is difficult, I remind myself that it is forever. 

Mom and Dad - so cute!

-11-

Modesty is not only a religious thing.

We were not raised in a Christian home, but that didn't mean we were not imbued with a sense of the importance of some virtues, including modesty. Since my mom approached it from a secular mindset, I appreciated as I grew up that dressing modestly was not something we 'had' to do, but it was a classy choice, made with an eye towards respecting oneself. Clothes communicate to others how you should be treated and how you view yourself. As my mom drolly remarked once when I came downstairs in a risque outfit, "if you want to dress like a whore, don't be surprised when you're treated like one." 

(thanks, Mom. I changed my outfit)

-12-

You can do it! 

I know all moms believe in their kids, but man, my mom put her money where her mouth was. I don't think she thought her youngest would take her so seriously when she said, you can do anything, because...well, I did a lot. Every single idea in my head (I'm going to school out of state! to study history! now study abroad! creative writing! now grad school! theology! now law school!) my mom went along for the ride, counseling wisely but encouraging too. She and my dad always found ways to send me money to help fund my latest educational adventure...and I like to think it paid off. 

Mom and Dad, dancing at my wedding!

-13-

Parents are not your friends. 

If there's one thing my mom hates, it's the concept that parents are friends. My mom emphatically told me growing up, "I am not your friend. I am your mother." This was a liberating concept, because the relationship of a mother and daughter is far stronger than a friendship; it gives my mom and I the freedom to fight and disagree, to say the really hard things to one another. For, although you can stop being friends with someone, you can't just stop having a mom! It makes my relationship with my mom balanced; she is not there to make me feel good about myself - she is constantly guiding and mothering me. For that I am grateful. 

She might say she's not my friend...but she is.

-14-

Messing with your hair too much usually makes you look stupid.

My mom did not let me cut or dye my hair until I left her house. Okay...slight exaggeration. I was allowed to cut my hair when I got a bit older, but she never approved. Actually, she still doesn't like it when I cut my hair...but anyway. She made a valiant stand against me looking like an idiot for much of my high school life, and let me embrace my natural hair color. I am very glad I didn't spend my early teens frying my hair into blonde submission, as I may have been wont to do. 

-15-

No bull. 

My mom doesn't pull punches and she doesn't like small talk. She says what she means, and she is working on making her blunt manner a little less, ah, painful. Although sometimes hard to hear, I appreciate it now because it's rubbed off a lot. One of the most frequent compliments I get is that people like that I am a straight shooter; no bull, no frills. Ask an honest question get an honest answer. It's a quality that is harder and harder to find.

-16-

High standards. 

I wasn't allowed to use 'like' as a filler. I couldn't half-ass a book report. I wasn't allowed to read the Boxcar Kids any more when I was capable of reading Shakespeare. My mom had high standards for me - standards many parents might classify as 'too demanding' or 'over the top'. But she knew me. She knew I would get lazy academically, that I would let myself be less than I could be. And she wasn't going to let it happen on her watch! 

My standards are so high, I could only have married Mr. O.

-17-

Kindness counts.

I was pretty naturally empathetic as a child, but I went to school with a lot of entitled, bratty, rich kids. My mom made sure I knew that she would not allow any child of hers to become rude and unkind. Kindness mattered to my mom; treating people with dignity and respect was an integral part of her personality. My mom always gives people the benefit of the doubt, and has a real Southern charm about her kindness to others. I love that about her.

-18-

Don't be a silly girl. 

This, of course, did not apply to toddlers - but to me as I became a young woman. My mother abhors young women who act like idiots when they are clearly bright and capable. So she did NOT put up with any of this trait in me. If I got hysterical over a bug or put on airs, oh man, I felt the sting of my mother's condemnation! 'Stop that,' she'd snap at me 'you're acting ridiculous.' Does it sound harsh? It was. And I am so glad. I have an ability to control how I react to things, I am generally calm and in charge of my emotions. I like that.

-19-

Your body is nothing to be ashamed of.

My parents being hippies, they were a bit libertine about my sex education. But the greatest take-away from all this was that my body was good. My mom was not shocked by me walking around naked as a toddler...or a school-aged girl. There was no hurry to cover me up because oh my gosh, I was naked! She would tell me to put clothes on, but it was never in a tone that was disapproving - it was brusque and matter-of-fact, the perfect way to deal with children. In talking to me about sex, my mom was honest and forthright. 

Loving my body - by playing rugby. 

-20-

This is none of your business. 

When I got older I realized that my mom's hair was not actually jet black and curly...shocker! She had been perming and dying it for years. I had no clue. When I asked her why she never mentioned that she got her hair done, she replied simply "it wasn't any of your business." At first I thought that was so rude - why wasn't it my business?? But now I look at it and see how great it was that my mom had boundaries. My mom did not feel the need to lay bare her entire life and justify it to me, her child. That was not part of being a mom to me. And now being a mom...I get that. There are parts of my life that just aren't any of my child's business! 

-21-

The home is important.

I know that might sound like a 'duh', but it seems that for a lot of families today home is just a place to sleep. It's a stop-over between sports and parties and dance and school. Home is not a place that anyone wants to be. But it was for me as a child. My mom put so much work into our home, and it made such an impression on me. Our home was warm and cozy, filled with good books and nice little corners to read them in. We spent time there, together, as a family, doing family things - games, dinner, reading stories, talking. Our home was not just another place; it was THE place, the touchstone of our family. I loved our home, and so did most of my friends. 

Grad school dinner table, filled with roommates and friends

-22-

Food is love.

I loved coming home from college because my mom would stock the house with everything she knew I loved. She would make the dinners she knew I enjoyed or take me out to eat. When it was my birthday, she'd make a big deal about me choosing the meal and getting all the things I liked. Food...food is such a wonderful way of caring for people. To feed them - such a Eucharistic way of love! Mom understood that deeply and her meals over the years have communicated her deep love for her family.

-23-

Don't get a dog if you can't care for the dog.

I know this sounds weird but I know a lot of people who get a pet, decide 'whoops! not for us!', and back to the pound the poor pet goes. That really ticks my mom off. When I was going to get Blackacre, she was really upset because she insisted that if I get a dog, that's it - that's a responsibility like a baby, she said (which I laughed about at the time, but I now I see she's totally right). She insisted that I treat animals fairly, and that's something I look for in people - the way they treat animals. It says something about a person, the way they treat a being smaller than they are, one who relies on them for all their needs. 

Blackacre, who went as a rugby player for his first Halloween in my house

-24-

Education of children is the parent's responsibility.

Man were my parents dedicated to my education. DEDICATED. They sent us to private school even though they really couldn't afford it, then when they couldn't find a school good enough they founded one with other parents! Private, public, parochial, homeschool - my mom was not afraid to try anything to see what would be the best education for me. She took responsibility; my education was her priority. She didn't just put me in a school and hope it worked out, wait another year, see if the next teacher is better - she was very proactive and made changes if it appeared it wasn't working. 

Obviously it worked. I love learning. 

Dad, me, and Mom at my graduation from Marymount

-25-

Your choices determine who you are.

My mom emphasized to me over and over again that we are who we choose to be. That emphasis on free will and self-determination helped me to realize when I had made a mistake, that I could choose better next time. It's led to a self-improvement streak a mile wide, but one that I am very grateful for. I never have any doubt that even if I am not the woman I want to be, I can get there - one choice at a time. 

-26-

Makeup is best subtle.

I don't remember my mom wearing make up, except for lipstick (always a shade of red/red-brown). But when she did, it looked so...natural. It was so very becoming, but never overdone. It gave me the courage to enjoy being 'made-up,' but to never feel naked without it. And now when I see young women - very young women! - walking around with makeup slathered on looking like clowns, I am so grateful that my mom limited my make up use as a girl...thereby protecting me from some truly embarrassing pictures later on.

-27-

Apologize.

My mom messes up a lot because she's really blunt and doesn't have a lot of diplomacy (sorry Mom; that's what you have Dad for). So she apologizes. This is a recent thing, I might add, but it's really beautiful to see. It's easy to be stubborn in relationships where we are older and more experienced, but my mom's example has taught me a lot about humility and being willing to own my mistakes.

-28-

Children are gifts.

My mom loves kids. Not unlike me, she seems to like children more than adults. She delights in every age and stage, although she claims her favorite is toddlerhood (who says that??). My mom is so good to affirm women who are having babies, especially my sisters and I, and to affirm that every child is a wonderful thing, even when the circumstances of their conception or birth were less than ideal. 

Grandkids!

-29-

You are a good mom.

I am lucky to have many positive people in my life, but my biggest cheerleader is my mom. And that really hit home when I became a mom, seven whole months ago! The one thing my mom told me was that I was a good mom, and I had to trust my instincts. She has reiterated that over and over again to me, every time I call for advice (which...is a lot). She'll give me advice and then add "but I'm not the expert on Zuzu - you are. You're her mom. Trust yourself." Her confidence and obvious pride in my mothering helps me to relax and mother however I feel like. 

I could go on and on, but I'll stop here (reluctantly). My mom is the best mom (for me, as Amelia points out in her great post). God knew what he was doing when he sent me to her and I am so grateful to have her in my life still, to keep guiding and mothering me as I find my own way. 

I love you, Mama. I always have and I always will. 

7 Quick Taaaakes

Joining Jen again for taking 7 takes with great speed. 

-1- 

New blog format! I had been playing with it a while ago; it got all messed up so I made it as plain as possible, but really it needed some pizzaz. I'm still figuring it out myself, though - the format does seem to obscure finding posts by date. But it looks cool! Jen, if you think it's too confusing, I can change it back. :) 

-2- 

Zuzu is SIX WEEKS today! She's getting so big, I can barely keep up. I have gotten several questions about when Tom and I plan to have another one - which I've been surprised by, but haven't minded. We are loving this so much...I'm not sure if we've really made a decision about when, but I'm not sure we'd mind whenever it happens. 

A picture of Zuzu taken by my brother on my sister's camera - isn't she precious??

-3- 

Were you wondering? I failed the Bar. My apologies if this is the medium that the news it reaching you and you'd rather have heard it in person, but it's not really something I want to discuss anyway, if it's all the same to you. I missed the mark by just 7 points, 4 from one part and 3 from another, which means I have to retake both - YAY. I'll retake in February, which will be a blast and half. 

-4-

Also in February? Our trip to Italy with the choir. We'll be gone from January 29-February 7th. I...probably won't study for the Bar much that week. Sooo...hopefully I still pass. Not sure if I'd be up for take three. 

-5- 

I tried to do some light afternoon shopping today. Go ahead - laugh. I remember Black Friday shopping from years past and my memories were mostly happy. We approached it mostly as people watching, and relaxed shopping. I did not remember 2 hours of traffic or parking lots that were totally full. This year, I learned my lesson - Black Friday is not for the casual shopper.

-6-

One of the best parts about being home this week is watching my older nieces and nephews meet Zuzu. I was younger than they are now when they were born, so it's so funny and sweet to see them fall in love with her! My niece Maddie and my nephew Jake, whose childhoods I got to witness, now get to be here for Zuzu and watch her grow up. How wonderful. 

Cousin love

-7- 

I got a mani and pedi with my mom this past Tuesday and had a revelation in beauty. I have always done dramatic colors on my nails, but kept my nails in firmly in the pale pink category. But, wanting a bit of holiday fun, I decided to do OPI Kennebunk-port on both my fingers AND toes. I love it!! If you're looking for a great blue-based red, try this one - it brings me some holiday happy every time I look at my hands and feet! 

Happy holidays!

Obligatory New Years Resolution Post

I'm not big on resolutions, probably because I fail so often. But this year is special for a few reasons: I have more time and money than I usually did as a student, and this year I turn 27. Uh, twenty-seven is not a significant number, Martha.   Yes, yes I hear you, but it's significant to me! When I was thirteen, my eldest sister was twenty-seven and I completely idolized her. I thought she was so beautiful, her kids so sweet, her life so perfect. Now in retrospect I realize her life was not perfect (whose is??), but my sister's sweetness and kindness was such a model for me about the kind of person and mother I wanted to be. I thought to myself, "when I'm twenty-seven, I hope I'm like Kim."

My sister and I at my undergraduate graduation. I'm so excited I'm eating my tassel.

And here it is, folks! This is the YEAR. And I'm...much less like Kim than I always wanted to be. I don't think I'm very sweet, I have no children on earth, and my sister is still way better looking than me (but I think that's just genes). So although I can't say I have a resolution like "be sweeter!", I have a general idea in my head: make this year worthy of twenty-seven.

Katherine over at "Having Left the Altar" has a great post about her new years resolutions that definitely inspired me. I recommend you read the post yourself, but she talks about choosing a word for the year, a word that sort of guides your intentions for that year and focuses you. I'm big on amorphous concepts that involve abstract thinking that one has to apply concretely, so this really appealed to me. I chose the word Humility. Ugh, really? Yes, really. I have noticed lately that I have lost some of the joy in losing myself; I have forgotten the importance of being least and last. To help me towards this goal, I have resurrected the hardest and best prayer ever: The Litany of Humility! ::cue trumpets:: Check it out:

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart,Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed,

Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...

From the desire of being extolled ...

From the desire of being honored ...

From the desire of being praised ...

From the desire of being preferred to others...

From the desire of being consulted ...

From the desire of being approved ...

From the fear of being humiliated ...

From the fear of being despised...

From the fear of suffering rebukes ...

From the fear of being calumniated ...

From the fear of being forgotten...

From the fear of being ridiculed ...

From the fear of being wronged ...

From the fear of being suspected ...

That others may be loved more than I,

Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I ...

That, in the opinion of the world,

others may increase and I may decrease ...

That others may be chosen and I set aside ...

That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...

That others may be preferred to me in everything...

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…

This prayer is INTENSE. It was introduced to me in college with the caveat, "be careful; usually when you pray this prayer, it works." But I have always had an instinctual love for this prayer, which seems to me so pure and strong. It attacks the greatest sins in my soul, and draws out situations in which I need to forget myself: when I am not chosen, not praised, honored or preferred. I want to pray this prayer every day, and hopefully it will help me to be more humble and think of ways I can put others before myself. 

Hope your resolutions are going well!