7 Quick Takes

Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary

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Zuzu-girl is now two weeks old and as I type, she is sleeping in her crib! Sob! Her little body looks so small in there - but she does seem cozy at least. Today at the doctor's office, we discovered she has gained 1 lb 1 oz since her birth (yeah chunky girl!) and has very sensitive skin (just like her Dad). It's incredible to see the changes in her in just this short amount of time: the clothes she's already outgrown! Is this really how fast it goes? How shall my heart bear it? 

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I have been so blessed to get so much good advice from many Catholic moms that I respect! These early days of parenting are indeed filled with many questions about sleeping, eating, what's best for baby. But I find when I get enough sleep, and keep myself rooted in prayer, I am much less susceptible to self-doubt and worry. I try to remember that and return to it when my interior peace feels threatened. 

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Please don't think that I had a baby and forgot about my dog! Blackacre is doing GREAT, seems back to his old self, and is eating and running and playing just like his old self. He is not super impressed with the baby, but is getting used to her and beginning to feel protective - he'll come and lay in whatever room I am nursing her in, facing the doorway, ever-alert. What a great dog! Thank you all for your prayers; I am so grateful they were answered. 

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My grandfather passed away this week. I haven't posted about it all over social networks, but it happened. We can't attend the funeral because it's too far away to travel with the babe right now, while she's so young (8 hours in a car w/ a newborn is just not a good idea - especially one who despises her car seat). I feel bad for my Father and very sad that my Papa never got to meet Zuzu. A lot has been lost with his passing. Please pray for the repose of his soul. 

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As much as I adore being a mom, and am enjoying this new part of my vocation, I definitely do miss the alone time with Mr. O. Before baby, we were alone basically all the time. I could go into work with him if I wanted, we do socialize with other couples but not a whole lot...we just don't do activities without one another, really. And we like it that way. Now there is always another person with us, and although I know this is a very short phase, it's hard for me. I miss the amount of time we had to talk and laugh and just be together. I think this is why I resist the idea of co-sleeping so much; it feels so incredible to crawl into bed at night and just get to snuggle without anyone else there (well, Zuzu is in the bassinet right next to us, but y'know!) - it helps to remind me that I am a wife still, my new title has not replaced but augmented the old. 

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I never realized how many things make noise until I had a baby and she went to sleep and then EVERYTHING BECAME SO LOUD. Which is weird, because I talk in my regular voice and open cabinets while the baby sleeps, use the microwave and let the washing machine beep. But you never notice how hard your neighbor slams their car door or yells for their dog until now...or how close you are to the main road (hey loud motorcycles, you guys suck). 

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Political season is almost over. If President Obama is reelected, I'm pretty nervous about the next four years. I'm sure the other side says that same. But my husband works for the Church - we have a real economic stake in religious liberty being protected. Laws that impact insurance and the church's ability to function as an employer impact my life directly, not hypothetically. So if the incumbent wins, I'll be crying and praying - just like I was when he won four years ago. 

6 is the Magic Number

This blog post is brought to you by the number six!

Because the favorite number for all health professionals and advice experts is SIX.

"By six weeks, you can start sleep training" 

"At your six week post-partum check-up, you usually get the go-ahead for sex" 

"You really shouldn't take baby out into the world until they're at least six weeks old" 

"You can't drive until six weeks post-partum" 

"Babies really don't have any sort of a schedule until they're six weeks old" 

Apparently, someone turns a switch at six weeks and everything changes for the new family! They're ready to sleep train, make more babies, and drive off a cliff, maybe all at once! 

I have been trying to find info about babies before six weeks. Say, babies that are two weeks old. (cue dramatic nostalgic music: two weeks? my baby is two weeks old!?! how did this happen???) But pretty much everything  I find is some variation of grin-and-bear-it; a tacit acknowledgment that in the beginning, new parents get no sleep and everyone is fairly unhappy.

Is this true?

If so, then how do women have more babies - joyfully? If pregnancy bites, and labor is horrible, and then the first six weeks are an exhausting gauntlet, who the hell in their right mind wouldn't just adopt one year olds? Or just avoid child-bearing and rearing at all?

Zuzu hates to sleep in her bassinet at night. She apparently goes through growth spurts every 2 days, when she decides she wants to eat every hour or just nurse for two hours straight. I'm not miserable, but it's not the best experience of my life. What I keep trying to find is something - an article, book, website - that is positive about this time, that tells me that what I am doing is good, that this is an important time, and doesn't try to necessarily fix it.

Even if Zuzu believes I can fix anything...

I've heard putting her to sleep in her carseat, a co-sleeper, our bed, a bouncy swing, and her crib; in her bassinet with upright supports in case she has reflux or colic. I've heard to let her cry it out. I've heard to wait 5 minutes, or 20 or 0. I've heard to put a blanket in with her that smells like me (currently trying that one - my pillow case). I've heard swaddling and white noise and stomach sleeping, back sleeping, side sleeping.

But I have a feeling that this is the way this is supposed to be. Just like the first trimester of pregnancy is mommy bootcamp, the first several weeks are mommy intensive training. Here all those lessons that were begun so long ago we can begin to put into practice: suffering for our little one, putting our needs second, dying to self. Here we prove that we love our children not because they can be of any use to us, but because they are meant to be loved. It is at this stage that God demands, from the very beginning, we love as he loves - knowing that if infants were easier, we would perhaps not be able to be knocked from our selfish moorings, our small comforts, our precious schedules.

Zuzu loves the after-bath snuggles. 

Maybe it's this stage that tells us why a mother is the model for all Christians - because Mary didn't only bring God into the world, but she cared for him as well, cared for him while he was still an infant and incapable (in human form) of loving back.

And even if all that does change at six weeks (which someone, I highly doubt), it is still the training that we need to put up with every stage that comes afterwards. It is this time that makes us realize that we have accepted a calling that demands we are second, that our needs are second, but that our unconditional love is always the first offering to our children, and our best.

My Newborn Has No Schedule

We are very blessed in that we have a huge community that is providing wonderful support to us as we figure out this parenting-thing! That means people bringing meals, helping around the house, good substitutes for my husband at work...and everyone wants to know before they stop by, when is a good time? This is a great question! It is considerate and appropriate! I love people who are both of those things!

But unfortunately, I have no answer.

I don't think that a 12-day old baby is supposed to have a schedule. It was my general impression that babies this young are still figuring out the world; they're still getting the hang of basic bodily functions, input and output, and aren't really ready to be part of the timed world. So any time I say could end up being a "bad" time - she could be nursing (which I've found makes some people uber-uncomfortable!), she could be sleeping (which then makes everyone sad because they wanted to hold her), or I could be in my pajamas (which means baby and I will be hiding in my room at the sound of the door bell).

This is my adorable child. ADORABLE. 

I have already received some advice on helping her get "on schedule." The greatest areas of scheduling for a newborn (since they're not popping out to do yogalates or anything) are sleeping and eating. And the top bit of sleep advice has been that I should swaddle her to help her sleep. And herein I reveal my horrific mothering: I hate swaddling. I do not know how Zuzu feels about it, having tried it a grand total of twice, but I hate it. Can I tell you why? Because it makes my child look like an amputee. It does. It frightens me! I think, oh my gosh, this is what she would look like with no arms!! Besides, her little hands and fingers are so sweet and kissable, why would I put them away? She doesn't have trouble sleeping - she just doesn't want to sleep in her bassinet...or anywhere besides on my chest, or right next to me. Which would be fine, except when she sleeps on me, I can't sleep, because I have nightmares about suffocating her (and she is a SQUIRMY and NOISY sleeper). And when I can't sleep, I turn into a basket case (for real - the other night I got like two seconds of sleep and cried the whole next day about basically nothing).

Look at that sassy hand - how could I restrict it?? It should be free - freeeeee! 

So as I am trying to get the hang of parenting, I am open to advice. If anyone wants to tell me the wonders of swaddling or how to co-sleep without blind terror taking over, I'm all ears. Because y'know, my newborn is just so unscheduled.

7 Quick Takes: Baby Edition!

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Several people have made comments that ZuZu looks like Tom, but I'm taking credit for her personality. What are her favorite things to do? Sleep and eat and take baths! Just like her Mama. She actually combines several of these loves - like how she sleeps through her baths and can somehow sleep-eat. She's very talented. 

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I hate all those test things they have to do when babies are just born. The PKU in particular is unfortunate, because they have to prick her foot to get some of her blood. She was relatively relaxed; I wanted to cry. I think this is how most of parenthood goes.

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Well, good to know I have great mother-bear instincts. We went to Target yesterday and I didn't even want people LOOKING at my child. Why, you ask? Fear of germs? No - just some sort of weird possessiveness that grips my chest whenever I feel people outside of "The Bubble" are getting too close  to her. Our pediatrician recommends we keep her home and not take her to Mass or around large crowds for the first 6-8 weeks. At first, I thought that was nuts. Now I realize it's for the protection of all the well-wishers that I would brutally dismember for getting too close, not for ZuZu herself. 

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"The Bubble." So for the first week of ZuZu's life, the only people she's interacted with regularly have been her me, her Daddy, her Grand (my mom), and her Auntie Jen. These people now constitute "The Bubble," (TB) the zone that we live in daily with ZuZu. Here in TB, we talk about poop a lot. Sometimes we get peed on. We confess to one another that we have no clue what we're doing, and we make up dumb songs a lot. We frequently yell at each other to come here and look at ZuZu's newest cute face (and bring the camera). I'm usually crying to someone else in TB about something dumb, like how I'm afraid she'll be kidnapped. I love The Bubble. 

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I am sorry to report that all the crazy advice I got while pregnant didn't end when I had the baby. I thought it would! You experienced parents out there warned me, but I didn't believe you. But it's true. I'm already getting lectures about how I shouldn't let my one week old "manipulate" me by crying. I didn't bother explaining that she has no concept of self or others that would form the prerequisite to having an intent to manipulate. I just nod and hope they leave soon before I attack them with bear-like ferocity. 

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My big sister comes tonight to visit ZuZu! I am very excited. I have been an aunt since I was 8 thanks to the big age difference between my sisters and I, but I haven't yet been able to return the favor. Now I have and I'm super excited. Plus, we're going to watch Christmas movies (don't judge, it's our thing). 

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My darling Jen wrote the most beautiful post about ZuZu. I was fighting not crying as I read it, and I'm so happy that my sweet girl has such great role models in her life. 

10 Lessons in 5 Days

It's hard to believe, but already Zuzu has been physically separate from me for five whole days! (every day at the time of her birth, we eat chocolate cake...this is not a sustainable habit) It has been a whirlwind five days, the longest and shortest of my life, and so to summarize, here are the top ten things I have learned in these five days:

1. Birth changes you. I knew it would, but I didn't really know it yet - and I didn't know how. But I do now. I know that birth has made me respect and love my body more than ever before; it has given me a confidence and comfort in my shape and scars. I have been surprised to find that I do not mind the stretch marks or jiggly skin, the wider hips or the pouchy belly. I know I will never look the same, but I am proud. My body is a wonder, and I hope I won't ever again let anyone convince me that it isn't.

2. There is such thing as love at first sight. I had read birth stories - I know that parents say the love you feel for your child is just instantaneous and amazing. But it did sound really cheesy...and I wasn't sure if I was that kind of woman. But I am. What I didn't realize was that the love I feel for Zuzu, that I am sure all parents feel for their children, is just different than any other kind of love; it is a sudden and total concern for their well-being at every moment. Indeed, the love of a parent for a child is a model of love for all relationships, because true love is when we will the Best Good for the Beloved. In this age of objectification and selfishness, it takes work to love someone like this - until I had Zuzu it did anyway. Now it is second nature; my daughter has taught me how to love as God loves.

3. Every baby, and family, and birth, and everything, is unique. There are guidelines for everything - feeding, sleeping, birthing, recovery, bonding - but then there is the reality that each individual family experiences. The best part about being in a cocoon with my Susannah, Mr. O, my mom, and Jen has been that we can just figure things out - do things our way, figure out what works for us. I am embracing the freedom of creating my family and it's wonderful.

4. Having a baby is the foreshadowing of the Beatific Vision. The concept of the Beatific Vision has always puzzled me - that Heaven will be the eternal beholding of the face of God. It sounds beautiful, but for me as a finite being, it is also confusing - why would I want to look at anything for all of eternity? What good is there in just beholding something? Now I know. I could look at my child for hours - hours! I have to tell myself to go to sleep at night when she is asleep, when I would rather just look at her and marvel at her existence. When one is truly in love, the vision of the Beloved is consuming.

5. Children are an unmerited grace. I realize now that although Tom and I were allowed to participate in her creation, that Susannah is entirely from God, and entirely a gift, and entirely a blessing. There is a reason why Scripture only speaks of children as a blessing! Because they are, and what is more, they are one we could never hope to deserve. As I hold her, I know that there is nothing I could ever do to merit the honor of being her mother.

This is Mr. O's favorite thing about being a dad to a newborn - unlimited cuddle time!

6. My vocation is marriage and motherhood. I think everyone has those moments - those, am I really doing what God is asking me to do? moments. And although I have the incredible grace of being deliriously happy in my marriage, I have still had my moments where I wondered - did I insist on my will, or was this God's will? Now that she's here, I know. This is my calling - this is my road to sanctification - and it's so incredibly good!

7. Different does not mean worse. I had a good deal of curiosity, as y'all know, about the changes to my marriage. Although obviously there will be more changes as she grows and as our family grows, I know now - different is not worse. My husband and I's relationship has changed forever, but it is not worse. I still love him desperately, I still enjoy cuddling him and watching bad TV, I am still concerned about his well-being and happiness. Now we just have this amazing child that bonds us even more...now we get to share in our own mini-beatific vision. Now we are even more like those disciples on the Road to Emmaus, because we share this experience of parenthood, and so now can turn to one another and say "does not your heart burn within you?"

8. Beauty is not able to be bought or sold. Nothing is more beautiful than my child and my ability to care for her. I carried her, birthed her, and now feed her with my body. Her every sigh and smile is my delight. No one can bottle that and sell it, no one can change it with the changing trends, no one can even mar it with unkind words. Beauty is not at all what I thought it was - it is deeper.

9. It really does take a village. I have no idea what these five days would have been like without the absolute cadre of help we have received! From my incredible neighbors who came over and cleaned our house after we left for the birth center, to my mom who has cooked and cleaned every day since baby arrived (all while making sure I was drinking and caring for myself), to my amazing friend Jen (who cut her fun roadtrip short when Zuzu made it clear she wasn't waiting for anyone) who has helped me bathe, patiently kept me company though nursing hormones make me a little weird, and even tolerated my weird obsession with chocolate cake, I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without our community that supports our new little family. We have received an outpouring of love, well-wishes, gifts, and prayers that have sustained us and magnified our joy.

10. Life is beautiful. Babies are a witness to the beauty of life itself - just being alive is incredible. Nothing proves it more than the smile of a child. Who wouldn't agree?

Susannah having a chatty morning