This is not an option, unfortunately.
Despite my struggles with weigh over the years, I have always been very happy with one thing: my midsection. My stomach has always stayed shape-defyingly flat, or flat enough to make me happy. It was a point of pride, really, and a way of realizing that everybody gets a few nice things physically but most don't get everything. Obviously, that is changing now. Rapidly. And it's really hurting
Tom has asked repeatedly, "why do you care?" He points out that he loves the way I look and I don't even wear bikinis so no one will see my stomach anyway. And while I appreciate that, really, this isn't about those concerns. This is me being frightened that I will never like the way I look again. Is it petty? Women were created to want to be beautiful - we want to be the lovely wife, we want to be described like the bride in Song of Songs (well...maybe not our teeth like newly washed sheep...that's weird). And what if I don't ever feel that again - never again enjoy the feeling of my skin, never want my picture taken again, never again enjoy feeling my body be strong and fast? What if I lose myself? And maybe I could get back to feeling healthy after the first baby but...what about the second? or third? or seventh? I don't know what God has in store for us! Since PCOS makes weight control challenging, and I have to be super careful in order to be healthy, will a big family make it neigh on impossible?
Children are a blessing that women sacrifice for: we give our very bodies in complete service to them, and that's an incredible thing. I am willing to do it, because I believe I am called to do it - and God has put this desire on my heart. But I'm still frightened because I don't know yet what's on the other side - will I still be "me" after the sacrifice...or will I be able to enjoy being whoever the new mom-version of myself turns out to be?