Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Pregnancy Thoughts

I am starting to enjoy being pregnant now. I have a wee belly, I have felt the baby move! I'm still struggling with my physical limitations, but I'm starting to realize that there's a little person inside that I get to meet in just 21 weeks! I'm already so attached to this person, and planning for their life is one of my greatest joys. Pregnancy comes with it's own set of dos and don'ts, and since I posted one after I had my miscarriage, I thought I would post just two considerations for those of you who deal with pregnant women and need some pointers...

1) We are not "mommies to be." If any phrase bugs me, it's this one. I'm not a mommy to be - I'm someone's mother already. I feed my child, make sure they're warm, I know when they sleep and wake. I play music for him/her, decorate their room, and do everything I can to ensure they have the best life. I am a mom already; the fact that I cannot yet see my child's face does nothing to diminish this. To deny this is to say that women who miscarry are not mothers, and that would be horrifically cruel.

2) We don't need your judgment. Pregnant women have a great deal of information available to them regarding their health. Chances are, they have read most or all of it already - that we are not supposed to drink anything that even thinks about being alcoholic, eat cold cuts or soft cheeses or sushi, use any medication without prior doctor approval, do any exercise besides walking slowly, lift anything more than our handbag. But the fact is that pregnant women are adults and science is not a monolith. So if you have a pregnant woman over to your home, offer her the full range of drinks - and don't blink if she asks for a beer. Do not gasp when you see her eat sushi or brie or hear that her most recent vacation included kayaking. Unless the woman is being blatantly careless (scuba diving, for instance, is almost guaranteed to cause miscarriage), trust her judgment or at least, don't lend her yours.

But don't worry. I promise my sangria last night was sans alcohol. In other words, I am a grown woman that drinks fruit juice with dinner.

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