Hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary!
Did you hear did you hear? We're having a genuine, sweet, ruffly, little GIRL. Experiencing the sonogram with Tom was so incredible. We held hands as the intern dimmed the lights and our OB showed us our first shot of little missy miss. She was amazing - it was incredible to see how perfectly formed she is, her little rose bud lips showing up clearly and maybe even her mama's pug nose. She wouldn't quit moving around and showing us how active she is. We fell in love immediately - and couldn't stop staring. We didn't want it to end!!
For some reason, seeing her picture and being able to watch her move, made this all so much more real to me. To my great surprise, I am not now dreaming of dresses or bows, but instead am wondering how I will ever shoulder the responsibility of being mother to this amazing child. My mom was really incredible, and she still is. She has always been my idol, partially because I believe she knows everything (about cleaning, education, government, baking, cooking, history, English...). What do I know? What do I have to offer? I feel so much responsibility for her already, and I love her so much - this has driven me to my knees!
The bar is also driving me to my knees. Please pray for me as I study and get ready for this. It's all so exhausting. My unfortunate character trait of wanting to avoid things that are difficult is coming out - I just want to say, screw this, and not do it. I am very very freaked out. Please pray for me.
I wrote a post on rudeness but didn't post it. I find it is still a daily struggle to handle other's general lack of respect for my personal space, my privacy, and my job. I'm still helping parttime with youth ministry, but according to most people, that isn't a real job. I know I ought to offer these things up, but at the same time, I am struck with the desire to enforce some limits. Has society always been so uncivilized?
I am putting off thinking about the demands of a job and a baby. Now that I am studying legal things again, I feel that familiar "fire." I want to do legal work, I want to have a job and make nerdy legal jokes with coworkers. I so enjoyed my time with the State Attorney's Office and with the DV clinic. But what am I ready for now? I couldn't imagine leaving my baby girl, but I would love to have some work to do. I'll have to pray that God shows me a way to live out this calling...because when I start to think about it, it makes me so nervous!
Don't ask about names cause I don't know!! We have several contenders, but I'm not sure if we'll release them to the general public. Once we make a decision we might tell close friends or family, if only for the sake of monogrammed apparel :D, but maybe we'll keep that to ourselves. She is so special, and thinking of a name for her overwhelms me. How do we give her a name that conveys her singular unique importance in our lives - that she is what we have prayed for, hoped for, for so very long? How do we give her a name that will sound good on the playground and in a courtroom? A name to convict her in how wonderful she is, but is pretty enough to allow her to enjoy it when pairing it with boys' last names?
Today is the Rally for Religious Freedom. I hate rallies, I hate protests. I like staying at home and thinking about things, and then writing private letters to friends about them. That's me! The consummate political organizer! I am going today because my husband wants me to go. If I get rained on or pass out, it will prove my point: I hate rallies.