More Nudity Thoughts: What is Modest Breastfeeding?

Today I read this article by Amber Hines about being told to stop nursing in public. The comments are atrocious, as usual. But it just kept my thoughts going...

Most people's objections to nursing in public without a cover fall into these categories: 1) it is immodest and could provide a stumbling block to men (like a revival of the 2-piece debate), or 2) that's a bodily function private act, like going to the bathroom, or 3) if it makes someone uncomfortable, don't do it.

Arguments two and three are easily dismissed. Breastfeeding is eating, not eliminating, and the comparison of the two is unwarranted. The idea that we should refrain from something just because it makes someone uncomfortable is blatantly false - I wouldn't give a rats if me praying before meals made someone uncomfortable, etc. etc.

So it's back to the modesty question. Does breastfeeding, discreetly, but without a cover, violate the prohibition to Catholic people to be modest? Also, what part does culture play in this debate - to what degree is modesty a construct of culture, and how much should we try to change that culture, if indeed it needs changing?

NB: For those wondering why it would be such a big deal for women to wear a cover, I would like to say that some infants really don't tolerate covers. And if you're nursing older children, covers can become insanely attention-drawing as the child thrashes about or tries to play peek-a-boo with it. 

What is Modesty? 

As any good Catholic would, I looked first to the Catechism for an exploration of this subject! The Catechism has several things to say on modesty, but what I found most elucidating was: 

"2524    The forms taken by modesty vary from one culture to another. Everywhere, however, modesty exists as an intuition of the spiritual dignity proper to man. It is born with the awakening consciousness of being a subject. Teaching modesty to children and adolescents means awakening in them respect for the human person." 

and: 

"2522    Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships; it requires that the conditions for the definitive giving and commitment of man and woman to one another be fulfilled. Modesty is decency. It inspires one’s choice of clothing. It keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet. (2492)

I think this gives us some direction in the conversation. What is most interesting to me here are the two bolded portions (which was my addition).

CCC 2524 tells us by the first sentence that the Church acknowledges some changing norms with culture, but does not make it an absolute pass - good. 

Then we read that teaching modesty (and we must realize that our actions are always teaching someone something, especially for those of us with little ones about) is primarily about "awakening in them respect for the human person." Hmmm. 

When we are nursing, there are two humans involved, both due respect. The mother (that's us reading, I assume) and the baby (if you're capable of reading this, I'd love to meet you). I do wonder if nursing, discreetly, will teach young children and adolescents to respect mothers and babies. I think for young women, it certainly would - probably a big reason why young women fear motherhood and all that entails (including nursing) is because they do not see it. Nursing is a wonderful way to show the beauty of God's design for mothers and babies. 

But what about for boys? I know certainly that male adolescents might feel rather uncomfortable. But perhaps (and I'm just exploring this here) it might be good for them. The fact is that everywhere they go, adolescent boys are bombarded with distorted images of women - women who are airbrushed, wearing very impractical clothing, in unnatural positions, beckoning, always beckoning. Nearly every image of a woman they see implies sex...but rarely babies. So he is encouraged in his visual encounters to think of sex as the contraceptive culture wants him to - as a very fun recreational activity having no consequences, let alone no true joy beyond the fleeting pleasure it promises. 

Perhaps, to a degree, a nursing mother might show a different picture and awaken in him respect for women and children. 

The bold portion of CCC 2522 adds, perhaps, a chastening word to CCC 2524. "[Modesty] keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet." (emphasis mine) Hmmm. I readily agree that a nursing mother may be risking unhealthy curiosity by nursing without a cover in front of an adolescent boy. I am called to mind the moment when I realized my nephew could no longer join me and all my nieces in the dressing room - he was realizing there was a difference between his body and ours,  and was curious about it. This curiosity was not bad, but it was not appropriate to draw it out more than necessary. There needed to be a veil there. 

It is not unhealthy for children to be curious about how babies are fed by their mothers. It is unhealthy for an adolescent boy to want to catch more than a glimpse of a young mother's breasts. 

What I think this gives us is a guideline. Wherever I may be inviting unhealthy curiosity, I should use a cover. But just what is unhealthy is mine to judge. For instance, I nursed without a cover at the beach the other week. I did so because it was quite warm and because my child's sunhat is so large, I did not feel I was being exposed. The crowd around us was mostly families or older people, and those who did notice what I was doing did not seem very interested in it at all. 

We should not behave as if breastfeeding is anything to be ashamed of; indeed, it is not. But for some people, notably boys-on-the-verge-of-becoming-men, they may not yet have fully internalized our teachings. It is a difficult time for young boys, to control their hormones and their eyes, to tame their curiosity and imaginations. It may be most charitable around them to be more discreet, to use a cover. I certainly do so around my young nephews - I'm still giving a witness of the beauty of the bond between mother and baby. They know what I'm doing under my cover. They also learn to avert their eyes, say when the baby is done feeding and I'm struggling to get everything covered back up under my nursing cover! They learn that they can have a conversation with me while I'm nursing and then maybe offer to take the baby once she's finished, so that I can cover back up. Honestly, I've had some very tender moments with these sweet boys, who love my daughter so much and try so hard to be loving to she and I whenever we visit (which is all too infrequently!).

These are my thoughts on nursing with modesty, anyway. It is certainly an individual determination based on the circumstances, your own comfort level, and your own sense of appropriateness. The best guide, then, is to honor the spirit of the law and ensure we always respect the dignity of all persons - not only ourselves and our children, but those around us as well.