Beauty and the Mother

Greetings from Aruba, friends.

Sunset last night

Tom, Jen, the babe, and I all jetted off yesterday after a weekend of hard work at the Steubenville Youth Conference in Orlando, FL. It was a longer flight than I realized (4 hours), but I guess that's what happens when you're 19 miles north of the Venezuelan coast. Quick jaunt to Caracas, anyone?

We got here around 3:30pm yesterday, and by 4pm, were in our suits, exploring the grounds of the hotel. Zuzu stared at exotic birds and chased after several iguanas - I guess my Florida girl has no fear of reptiles. We hung out at the pool for a while, before having dinner and then going for a post-dinner ocean swim. Why not? We're on vacation.

Loveliness courtesy of Jen

I grabbed Jen's camera and started snapping away - images of Jen, Zuzu, and Tom frolicking by the ocean. Passerbys smiled indulgently, and I realized the scene looked the opposite of what it was: I was the friend taking pictures of the family. But as I've reflected with Jen before, I like it better taking pictures of her with Tom and Zuzu - because they look like what I think a family should look like. For me, Jen looks what a young mom should look like: her silhouette is slender, no pouching tummy, or big thighs. The images with her in them, silhouetted against that Aruba sunset, were almost like make-believe for me: this is what my family should look like. 

Jen and Zuzu have a kiss

But then Zuzu asked me to get into the water (which I'm not going to do with Jen's very nice DSLR camera). And I knew Jen or Tom would take the camera and then take pics of me, and they wouldn't look the way I think they should look. I thought about all the pictures of my mom and I from when I was young, and I revisit them again and again because I think she was (and is) so beautiful, so young, so my mother. But would I love my mother any less if she looked any differently? I love my mother for who she is, for who she's always been: she's beautiful because she loves me. Zuzu thinks I'm beautiful because I love her - love refines, love makes beautiful. 

Jen

I can choose to show her that I believe in the lies of the world: that only certain people deserve to have their pictures taken, that we should be ashamed of bodies that are different, that fear should motivate how we feel about ourselves. I can show her that there should be a division between women who 'fit' the stereotype and those who don't, I can use phrases like 'real women' to devalue others' bodies, striking back in my self-consciousness by declaring thin women to be 'fake.' 

Or - and this is a big or - or I could choose to show her what God believes about beauty. That beauty, although it exists as a concept, objectively, is also something that exists in actions, in our souls, in who we strive to be. I create beauty, and I am beautiful, in relation to how much I love. 

Jen

Jen 

Jen

I still believe Zuzu will look at these pictures when she's older and think I am beautiful. I will work to convince myself of this too; to conform my mind to the mind of Christ. To believe that beauty is about who we are as much as what we look like. 

Jen

Be beautiful, be loving, be Christ to your family today - and take some pictures to remember it all. 

7 Quick Takes

Do I have something to blame my blogging hiatus on...nope. Just normal life. 

-1-

Have you seen anything on A Beautiful Body project? Yo, check it (unless you're squeamish about artistic naked photography of women...in which case, don't). I was really moved by the images and the story there; reminded me of The Shape of a Mother website. The fact is that we don't see ourselves reflected in media; we see photoshopped images of people that don't actually exist. I think images like these are so very important because we need to see the beauty in each and every person we meet, and they're not photoshopped. Lets get used to that. 

Jade Beall Photography

-2-

Whenever I see projects like the above, it really gets me to thinking about embodiment. Bodies! We have bodies AND souls! It's so great. Embodiment is so messy, weird, and enchanting. I love that about Catholicism - it embraces this bodily reality, and raises it up. Christ became man, and he ascended into Heaven - so wherever Heaven is, Jesus is there as a man in a body, right? Incredible. Heaven is a physical reality. It helps me feel better when I'm leaking breast milk, or covered in baby poo. 

Embodiment means MACAROONS !!

la-la-love eggs in pretty containers! I would have these all over the house for keys, jewelry, whatever...cause ceramic is baby-proof, yes?

-3-

In that vein, today is the Feast of the Visitation - one of my favorite mysteries. After I became pregnant, meditating on this mystery became a favorite of mine! I love the way mothers, especially pregnant mothers, talk to each other. Share stories, pains, aches, food, tips, tricks. Fellowship at its best. Mary had and needed that, just like us. Faced with a pregnancy that was the Good News, but a great deal of suffering, she sought out female companionship and found "the joy of the Lord" that was her strength. (Nh. 8:10) 

My big sister Kim, Zuzu, and K's husband Eric. 

I love visits with my sisters.

-4-

Calah and I were talking about Florida yesterday. I understand her hatred of it; she asked me if I really liked it here. At different times in my life, I would have given different answers. But now, I could honestly say, yes. Florida is home. For as much as I miss autumn in Alabama and spring in D.C., my land of perpetual summer, of gators and mosquitos, lizards and Disney World, hurricanes and droughts, gives me a sense of being connected to my ancestors and my history. You have to be tough to be from Florida; it's not an easy place to love year round.

I like that. 

Florida beauty. Naples Botanical Gardens.

-5-

Went to Costco. Felt like I came home as a hoarder. Who needs a 50 pound bag of sugar? Me, apparently. 

-6-

Did you know that bleach takes out stains? 

I know that sounds idiotic. But I had tried everything to get this one stain out and then I was like, OH BLEACH AND WATER. Well...guess I was a bit heavy on the bleach. Her bloomers are now a bit lighter colored than before...but spraying it on there and watching the spots literally melt away made me feel like a magician. 

I tried vinegar...Biz...soaking...scrubbing...but bleach. Sigh. I'm a really bad hippy. 

Cousin Maddie thinks I'm weird...

Zuzu rocking Baby Gap

-7-

I won't be talking about the Bar much on here...unless I find out some interesting legal facts...so, I probably won't. But if you wanna toss up some prayers for me, that'd be great. 

Zuzu and Daddy in the pool...Memorial Day 2013

7 Quick Takes: Vacation Style

Courtesy of Jen at Conversion Diary! 

-1-

Today it rained and so it is now 66 degrees. Although not the snow storm I had prayed for, it's close enough! I walking around wearing a scarf and a long cardigan. Joy!! 

-2- 

Today on one of my favorite Facebook pages, Mama Birth, they asked "Tell the truth - do you like other people's kids, or just your own?" I found this question to be intriguing, especially because so many women said that their feelings had changed (for good or ill) after having their own children. Since I now have 19 years of childcare experience, exclusively with other people's children, I am waiting to see if having my own children will change my regard for wee ones - because I like children far more than adults. What I usually mind is parents, but children? Well so far I like them just fine! 

-3- 

I had a minor meltdown in Marshalls yesterday, staring at summer dresses on clearance and thinking "oh  my gosh, when will I ever be my normal size again?" I realize this may come across as shallow and silly, but a thought keeps persisting at the back of my mind that I may be facing a very different life now - a life where I sacrifice my desire to be in great shape, my ability to put my fitness first, for a family. I'm certainly not advancing the idea of throwing in the towel on being attractive, but if I'm on a cycle of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding...then it won't be very easy to have a body that's just "mine" for quite some time - for years, in fact, if God does bless us with a big family. Despite my complicated "relationship" with my incarnational self, I love my body. It has carried me through great rugby games and a difficult half marathon, it has rocked a bikini and an old fashioned one piece, it's reminded me of where I come from and that I'm strong enough to get where I want to go. And now that I'm putting my body to its greatest use, to be sacrificed, stretched, and scared, all for love, I'm finding I am starting to miss it already. 

-4- 

Despite loving my body, when someone made a comment the other day about how heavy I am, I sat in my shower and cried for a good 30 minutes. I love my baby and the belly I have that shows she is so close to being here; I still fight to love my limited physical abilities now that I'm carrying her. I miss being able to do yoga (thanks, carpel tunnel), run (thanks huge belly), or even walk for long periods of time (thanks swelly feet and exhaustion). But I don't think I'd miss it as much if I hadn't gotten that comment. 

-5- 

Heartburn is my newest symptom. It's highly uncomfortable. I am learning to be content in physical infirmities for the first time in my life. Please do me a favor! If you have any special intention or know anyone who does, please tell me, so that I might offer up these last six weeks and any discomfort of labor for you or your loved ones. Mr. O and I are starting our list for all those for whom we wish to offer up our suffering and we'd love to pray for you too. 

-6-

I wanted to write more about politics, but I didn't. Aren't you proud?

-7-

If you need someone to pray for or a new blog to read, may I suggest 11 On My Own? I am amazed at what she has had to deal with while raising her children and am awed by her strength and tenacity in the face of suffering. This definitely helps me to count my gratefuls and to pray for her as a member of the Body of Christ.