Beauty and the Mother

Greetings from Aruba, friends.

Sunset last night

Tom, Jen, the babe, and I all jetted off yesterday after a weekend of hard work at the Steubenville Youth Conference in Orlando, FL. It was a longer flight than I realized (4 hours), but I guess that's what happens when you're 19 miles north of the Venezuelan coast. Quick jaunt to Caracas, anyone?

We got here around 3:30pm yesterday, and by 4pm, were in our suits, exploring the grounds of the hotel. Zuzu stared at exotic birds and chased after several iguanas - I guess my Florida girl has no fear of reptiles. We hung out at the pool for a while, before having dinner and then going for a post-dinner ocean swim. Why not? We're on vacation.

Loveliness courtesy of Jen

I grabbed Jen's camera and started snapping away - images of Jen, Zuzu, and Tom frolicking by the ocean. Passerbys smiled indulgently, and I realized the scene looked the opposite of what it was: I was the friend taking pictures of the family. But as I've reflected with Jen before, I like it better taking pictures of her with Tom and Zuzu - because they look like what I think a family should look like. For me, Jen looks what a young mom should look like: her silhouette is slender, no pouching tummy, or big thighs. The images with her in them, silhouetted against that Aruba sunset, were almost like make-believe for me: this is what my family should look like. 

Jen and Zuzu have a kiss

But then Zuzu asked me to get into the water (which I'm not going to do with Jen's very nice DSLR camera). And I knew Jen or Tom would take the camera and then take pics of me, and they wouldn't look the way I think they should look. I thought about all the pictures of my mom and I from when I was young, and I revisit them again and again because I think she was (and is) so beautiful, so young, so my mother. But would I love my mother any less if she looked any differently? I love my mother for who she is, for who she's always been: she's beautiful because she loves me. Zuzu thinks I'm beautiful because I love her - love refines, love makes beautiful. 

Jen

I can choose to show her that I believe in the lies of the world: that only certain people deserve to have their pictures taken, that we should be ashamed of bodies that are different, that fear should motivate how we feel about ourselves. I can show her that there should be a division between women who 'fit' the stereotype and those who don't, I can use phrases like 'real women' to devalue others' bodies, striking back in my self-consciousness by declaring thin women to be 'fake.' 

Or - and this is a big or - or I could choose to show her what God believes about beauty. That beauty, although it exists as a concept, objectively, is also something that exists in actions, in our souls, in who we strive to be. I create beauty, and I am beautiful, in relation to how much I love. 

Jen

Jen 

Jen

I still believe Zuzu will look at these pictures when she's older and think I am beautiful. I will work to convince myself of this too; to conform my mind to the mind of Christ. To believe that beauty is about who we are as much as what we look like. 

Jen

Be beautiful, be loving, be Christ to your family today - and take some pictures to remember it all. 

{Pretty - Happy - Funny - Real}

Linking up for only the second time, thus proving my incredible ability to be consistent...

Joining Like Mother, Like Daughter in Capturing the context of contentment in everyday life ~  
We are back from Alabama and Orlando, in time for the weather to be cooling down a bit (65! But with 99% humidity...sigh). Coming back from vacation is hard for everyone, but I have to admit I think it is particularly hard on me because hey, who do you think is doing the laundry, putting away suitcases, integrating souvenirs into existing piles of junk, and trying to scramble together dinner mid-week having done no shopping?

Whoops. Whinning. I'll stop!

{pretty}

While in Alabama, we stopped at one of our favorite spots - NorthRiver neighborhood, on Lake Tuscaloosa. We drove around, visited the Yellowhammer Inn, the Yacht Club, Whispering Cliffs. We took Zuzu down to the edge of the Lake and took these pictures. She is decked out in her Alabama finery and I quite like the results. 

{happy}

Happiness is a Bama tailgate! 

We were very nicely hosted by Randall Reilly, our friend Ryan's company, and got to enjoy their superb tailgate. I forgot how nice Southern tailgates are...they are catered, comfy chairs, space heaters if it's cold, big flat screen TVs, and the whole area has carpet or astro turf so little ones can crawl around! Let me tell you, THAT is the way to watch a football game. If we had actually gone to the game, we would have been standing the entire time (lovely tradition, thanks to whoever started that one) and Zuzu wouldn't be able to get down and crawl around. 

Plus...the language can get a bit heated. We do love our football. 

Roll Tide! 

{funny}

As we were strolling down 13th Street, we spotted a wee fenced enclosure off the front of this house...and in it was a bunny! I gave the camera to Mr. O to get pics and he was so proud they weren't blurry (a struggle for him in picture taking). But the placement of those concrete planters is...odd? And who keeps a bunny in an odd fenced enclosure at the front of their house? 

{real}

I don't know about you, but the above is what most of our attempts at family pictures look like. I am always happy if out of 50 or so frantic clickings of my poor point-and-shoot camera, I get one or two good ones. Most of them are variations on this theme: Dad-wth-eyes-closed-angry-toddler. 

In other news, our youth minster resigned so...looks like Mr. Oram and I are back to working that job as well. Nothing quite like taking on a new/old task again. We are praying for lots of help in the form of volunteers and a huge outpouring of the Holy Spirit so that we may do good work for these middle and high schoolers.
Mary, Help of Christians, pray for us!
St. John Bosco, pray for us!

Bienvenidos

Coming back from vacation can feel like a fresh start - when we walked in the front door, everything looked new to me since I hadn't seen it in nearly three weeks. The break from the day-to-day tasks also renewed my desire to keep house - it's amazing how useless one can feel with no laundry to do, kitchen to clean, etc. (I did try to help around the house on vacation - but it's always hard in someone else's house to know how things are done!).

Baby on a plane

Now that I am back, with no studies to stress about, I can finally turn my attention to my life! The real things of life that I have so missed: making a home, beginning to quilt and sew again, running. Mr. Oram and I frequently talk about how we always seem to have excuses for why we're putting life 'on hold', endless reasons why we don't establish routines - we don't have a baby yet, we're pregnant, we have a newborn, we have an infant, we have a baby that's into everything, studying for the Bar, it's the summer, it's football season, it's busy season...we are endlessly creative! 

But at some point, we just have to bite the bullet and make the life we want.

Blurry mama and baby picture. We had the middle seat empty - praise God. 

It is still mind-boggling to me that in the first year of our marriage, when we were childless, I really seemed to do nothing about the house. I have come to the conclusion that those long months were a sort of delayed depression and near-comatose state wherein I recovered from eight consecutive years of higher education and then the tornado that ate my house. 

But still, in retrospect, I wonder - why didn't I paint the walls? Recover furniture? Organize my linen closets? All the many things I'm doing now. I suppose I am nesting in reverse - the older she gets, the more I want to do to make this a beautiful home. 

A very enjoyable afternoon at the lake shore, with Zuzu styling in clothes entirely provided by Grand. 

I am finding my way. I am so grateful for the guidance of both my peers an the generations before me. My own mother being here this summer was an incredible gift; not only because it was another pair of hands to do everything I couldn't, but also to see how she did it. The sad thing is that I went straight from adolescence (living at home, being cared for, having nothing truly valuable) to being in college (barely taking care of myself) to being a young wife (suddenly having to take care of two people, with many valuable and nice things, none of which I know how to care for). Thankfully, between my mom and Auntie Leila and this really weird but aptly named Project Organize Your Entire Life (POYEL), I might actually have some order in my home...in another year (if I don't get pregnant and we start living in a hotel).

Isn't she just the preppiest? She gives you an insight into my clothing preference, I'm sure. 

Beyond house care, self care is also a new learning curve for me. Gone are the days where I had two hours to get ready, when I had a whole closet or room or more to myself and my clutter, when I did not have to worry about nursing accessibility in my clothing! Laura has truly inspired me to be more mindful of my wardrobe. Throughout the summer, I have been weeding out my closet and being more confident in buying nice pieces that will last a long time. It's hard to be honest with what works and what doesn't, but I cannot keep items for sentimental value alone - at least, not so many items! 

Auntie Leila again did me a great service by discussing self-care in her aptly titled "How To Take a Shower" (more useful than you'd think). For a very long time, it has been a deeply held belief of mine that I am a long hair person. My hair became part of my personality, I couldn't imagine having short hair (again). I think it has something to do with my insecurity about my weight. But then I cut it and have found, shockingly and suddenly, that I love it. It's not that it's necessarily easier, but that it just seems to work for me more at this point in time. 

Visiting Grandma Jean. These moments were very precious to me, since none of my grandparents ever got to meet Susannah. 

Over vacation I also read five books, believing it was high time I stopped neglecting my mind by shoving heartless facts into it. I read My Life with the Saints, The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything: A Spirituality for Real Life, Corelli's Mandolin: A Novel, Brain Rules for Baby: How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five, and Real Learning: Education in the Heart of the Home.

The first two books are by a Jesuit priest, Fr. James Martin. I was pleasantly surprised by My Life with the Saints - it was quite moving at times, and a thoughtful gift from my sister-in-law. The Jesuit Guide was, however, a struggle. I am angry at the Jesuits, honestly, for promoting heresy and allowing their house to get so out of order. I associate them with Georgetown and it makes my blood boil. 

Brain Rules is a fun read, confirming what most people know: television does in fact rot the brain, those Baby Einstein DVDs are total crap, and being involved emotionally with your children is a really good way to have well-adjusted kids in the long term. Still worth a read though - lots of great stuff in there. 

The two greatest gems were by far Real Learning and Corelli's Mandolin (one of Mr. Oram's favorite books that I've been meaning to read since 2009!). Real Learning is about Catholic homeschooling in the Charlotte Mason style - it combines how-to with an exhortation about why-to. It was glorious; Elizabeth Foss is one of the few bloggers today that can be realistic and idealistic, which is a highly motivating combo for me. I thoroughly enjoyed and recommend the book. Corelli's Mandolin...what can  I say about this book. The vocabulary quite surprised me - I needed a dictionary to accompany it! The humor was delightful - but the story. The story slayed me. I have not read fiction that good is so long, my heart wanted to burst. It gave me that 'queer ache' that Anne talks about...it reminded me why I love reading. 

If you have the chance, read that book. It will also explain to you why communism it total crap, incidentally.

Being silly at a baseball game

Cousin love

But now I'm home and Zuzu is sick (again). She got sick on vacation, got better, and is now sick again. We had a long night last night. Would you say a few prayers for her? 

So glad to be back - I've missed y'all! 

7 Quick Takes: Vacation Style

Courtesy of Jen at Conversion Diary! 

-1-

Today it rained and so it is now 66 degrees. Although not the snow storm I had prayed for, it's close enough! I walking around wearing a scarf and a long cardigan. Joy!! 

-2- 

Today on one of my favorite Facebook pages, Mama Birth, they asked "Tell the truth - do you like other people's kids, or just your own?" I found this question to be intriguing, especially because so many women said that their feelings had changed (for good or ill) after having their own children. Since I now have 19 years of childcare experience, exclusively with other people's children, I am waiting to see if having my own children will change my regard for wee ones - because I like children far more than adults. What I usually mind is parents, but children? Well so far I like them just fine! 

-3- 

I had a minor meltdown in Marshalls yesterday, staring at summer dresses on clearance and thinking "oh  my gosh, when will I ever be my normal size again?" I realize this may come across as shallow and silly, but a thought keeps persisting at the back of my mind that I may be facing a very different life now - a life where I sacrifice my desire to be in great shape, my ability to put my fitness first, for a family. I'm certainly not advancing the idea of throwing in the towel on being attractive, but if I'm on a cycle of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding...then it won't be very easy to have a body that's just "mine" for quite some time - for years, in fact, if God does bless us with a big family. Despite my complicated "relationship" with my incarnational self, I love my body. It has carried me through great rugby games and a difficult half marathon, it has rocked a bikini and an old fashioned one piece, it's reminded me of where I come from and that I'm strong enough to get where I want to go. And now that I'm putting my body to its greatest use, to be sacrificed, stretched, and scared, all for love, I'm finding I am starting to miss it already. 

-4- 

Despite loving my body, when someone made a comment the other day about how heavy I am, I sat in my shower and cried for a good 30 minutes. I love my baby and the belly I have that shows she is so close to being here; I still fight to love my limited physical abilities now that I'm carrying her. I miss being able to do yoga (thanks, carpel tunnel), run (thanks huge belly), or even walk for long periods of time (thanks swelly feet and exhaustion). But I don't think I'd miss it as much if I hadn't gotten that comment. 

-5- 

Heartburn is my newest symptom. It's highly uncomfortable. I am learning to be content in physical infirmities for the first time in my life. Please do me a favor! If you have any special intention or know anyone who does, please tell me, so that I might offer up these last six weeks and any discomfort of labor for you or your loved ones. Mr. O and I are starting our list for all those for whom we wish to offer up our suffering and we'd love to pray for you too. 

-6-

I wanted to write more about politics, but I didn't. Aren't you proud?

-7-

If you need someone to pray for or a new blog to read, may I suggest 11 On My Own? I am amazed at what she has had to deal with while raising her children and am awed by her strength and tenacity in the face of suffering. This definitely helps me to count my gratefuls and to pray for her as a member of the Body of Christ.