Showing posts with label homemaking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homemaking. Show all posts

Thursday, September 15, 2016

My Mother's House

The kids and I have returned to the home state for a couple weeks.

There's a great comfort walking into the house I've grown up in since I was 8 years old. At this point, I've been leaving and coming back to this house for 13 years - longer than I actually lived there. But it's still home, despite how many times my mom rearranges the furniture (read: quarterly). And now it's something even more special for my children - Grand's house.

Of course, my children are grandchildren numbers ten and eleven to come to this house - to try to avoid upsetting Linka the canktankerous German Shepherd, take walks on the golf course, and love the twizzler jar (but whatever happened to the M & M jar that was ever present during the potty training years? I miss that!). My parents are no strangers to welcoming little people to their home and like centuries of grandparents before them, have delighted in that special bond between the very young and the old.



But my mother has a special quality for welcoming children to her house. She is no ordinary grandmother. There is a warmth to her house that makes everyone want to be here. I want to try to remember it forever, especially since they'll be moving soon. My parents bought a new piece of property out on a beautiful lake and they're building a house on it, a house to retire in. I don't blame them, and I know that any house that my mom makes into a home will have that same quality. But this house holds so many memories for us, and for Susannah already.




It's true that both my parent's live here and my father's presence is no less. But it's my mother that's the homemaker and makes it a home, a fact I'm sure my father wouldn't dispute. Their styles are easily merged as neither of them is afraid of color and both have a distinct aesthetic sense. Yet it's true the home wouldn't be what it is without Dad: his bouts of "company is coming so I need to build a trellis on the back patio" are legendary. 





When we moved in, there was wall-to-wall shag carpet and horrible wall paper all over ever surface that would stand still. By the time we were done with it, it wasn't recognizable and I've never seen another house quite like it. For one thing, when I tell people I grew up in a house with orange walls and a yellow ceiling, I'm not sure anyone believes me that the affect was not circus-like. It sounds even more doubtful when I say the floor is painted concrete: terra cotta red and forrest green. But so it is. 






One of the best parts of my mother's house is that every chair has a lamp for reading and every table is actually a little vignette all its own. It's always been this way, but now it takes on a magical quality for my children. When they come in the door, there are any number of surprises - not laid out right in front of them, but tucked in around the house. On a window sill, a procession of elephants - a family of unicorns frolicking on their own table - a velvet rocking chair with two new books. My children discover these things over the days, as they explore the house, as they settle in to a routine of hearty meals and unlimited hours of imaginative play punctuated with long bouts of read aloud books. When they get a drink, the cups are orange with glitter and pumpkins floating about in them. 







Now as an adult, I know many of these objects personally - I buy items I know would appeal on my travels. I recognize that making a home is a life's work: there is no instant, no store to buy all a home needs. There's a tile from a great museum in Austin from the Edel Conference, a slightly rusted tin plate that was my father's as a boy, a print of a home Mass that they acquired from their Thanksgiving trip to Ireland a few years ago. Two of my favorites are the citrus crate made for them by my godfather and the didgeridoo my brother brought back from Australia when he was in the Marines.  









Much has changed over the years, there's no doubting that. When my uncle was still alive, I remember our Christmas's being much more Victorian with rich jewel tone ribbons. That gave way to an embrace of my mother's southern California roots, a great deal more of Mexican inspired art and elements, coinciding easily with half the household taking Spanish classes. After us kids left the house, Americana has crept in slowly to be a more dominant influence, though still coexisting kindly with the earlier vestiges of her evolving style. My parent's conversion to Catholicism has woven perhaps the brightest new thread into the home, a distinct theme - but perhaps the most interesting, in that far from alienating any of other, older elements, it has suddenly provided the unifying note to all that's gone before. Grace builds upon nature, in homemaking no less than in living. My mother's house is a beautiful testimony to the richness of a life that has come into full bloom, handsome and full in the light of grace.

 photo signature_zpsyzdaji8e.png

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Bienvenidos

Coming back from vacation can feel like a fresh start - when we walked in the front door, everything looked new to me since I hadn't seen it in nearly three weeks. The break from the day-to-day tasks also renewed my desire to keep house - it's amazing how useless one can feel with no laundry to do, kitchen to clean, etc. (I did try to help around the house on vacation - but it's always hard in someone else's house to know how things are done!).

Baby on a plane

Now that I am back, with no studies to stress about, I can finally turn my attention to my life! The real things of life that I have so missed: making a home, beginning to quilt and sew again, running. Mr. Oram and I frequently talk about how we always seem to have excuses for why we're putting life 'on hold', endless reasons why we don't establish routines - we don't have a baby yet, we're pregnant, we have a newborn, we have an infant, we have a baby that's into everything, studying for the Bar, it's the summer, it's football season, it's busy season...we are endlessly creative! 

But at some point, we just have to bite the bullet and make the life we want.

Blurry mama and baby picture. We had the middle seat empty - praise God. 

It is still mind-boggling to me that in the first year of our marriage, when we were childless, I really seemed to do nothing about the house. I have come to the conclusion that those long months were a sort of delayed depression and near-comatose state wherein I recovered from eight consecutive years of higher education and then the tornado that ate my house. 

But still, in retrospect, I wonder - why didn't I paint the walls? Recover furniture? Organize my linen closets? All the many things I'm doing now. I suppose I am nesting in reverse - the older she gets, the more I want to do to make this a beautiful home. 

A very enjoyable afternoon at the lake shore, with Zuzu styling in clothes entirely provided by Grand. 

I am finding my way. I am so grateful for the guidance of both my peers an the generations before me. My own mother being here this summer was an incredible gift; not only because it was another pair of hands to do everything I couldn't, but also to see how she did it. The sad thing is that I went straight from adolescence (living at home, being cared for, having nothing truly valuable) to being in college (barely taking care of myself) to being a young wife (suddenly having to take care of two people, with many valuable and nice things, none of which I know how to care for). Thankfully, between my mom and Auntie Leila and this really weird but aptly named Project Organize Your Entire Life (POYEL), I might actually have some order in my home...in another year (if I don't get pregnant and we start living in a hotel).

Isn't she just the preppiest? She gives you an insight into my clothing preference, I'm sure. 

Beyond house care, self care is also a new learning curve for me. Gone are the days where I had two hours to get ready, when I had a whole closet or room or more to myself and my clutter, when I did not have to worry about nursing accessibility in my clothing! Laura has truly inspired me to be more mindful of my wardrobe. Throughout the summer, I have been weeding out my closet and being more confident in buying nice pieces that will last a long time. It's hard to be honest with what works and what doesn't, but I cannot keep items for sentimental value alone - at least, not so many items! 

Auntie Leila again did me a great service by discussing self-care in her aptly titled "How To Take a Shower" (more useful than you'd think). For a very long time, it has been a deeply held belief of mine that I am a long hair person. My hair became part of my personality, I couldn't imagine having short hair (again). I think it has something to do with my insecurity about my weight. But then I cut it and have found, shockingly and suddenly, that I love it. It's not that it's necessarily easier, but that it just seems to work for me more at this point in time. 



Visiting Grandma Jean. These moments were very precious to me, since none of my grandparents ever got to meet Susannah. 


The first two books are by a Jesuit priest, Fr. James Martin. I was pleasantly surprised by My Life with the Saints - it was quite moving at times, and a thoughtful gift from my sister-in-law. The Jesuit Guide was, however, a struggle. I am angry at the Jesuits, honestly, for promoting heresy and allowing their house to get so out of order. I associate them with Georgetown and it makes my blood boil. 

Brain Rules is a fun read, confirming what most people know: television does in fact rot the brain, those Baby Einstein DVDs are total crap, and being involved emotionally with your children is a really good way to have well-adjusted kids in the long term. Still worth a read though - lots of great stuff in there. 

The two greatest gems were by far Real Learning and Corelli's Mandolin (one of Mr. Oram's favorite books that I've been meaning to read since 2009!). Real Learning is about Catholic homeschooling in the Charlotte Mason style - it combines how-to with an exhortation about why-to. It was glorious; Elizabeth Foss is one of the few bloggers today that can be realistic and idealistic, which is a highly motivating combo for me. I thoroughly enjoyed and recommend the book. Corelli's Mandolin...what can  I say about this book. The vocabulary quite surprised me - I needed a dictionary to accompany it! The humor was delightful - but the story. The story slayed me. I have not read fiction that good is so long, my heart wanted to burst. It gave me that 'queer ache' that Anne talks about...it reminded me why I love reading. 

If you have the chance, read that book. It will also explain to you why communism it total crap, incidentally.

Being silly at a baseball game

Cousin love

But now I'm home and Zuzu is sick (again). She got sick on vacation, got better, and is now sick again. We had a long night last night. Would you say a few prayers for her? 

So glad to be back - I've missed y'all! 

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Working Woman Wonderings

So I did it....

My first full week as a "working" mom!

It was...HARD. But fun too, at times. And a bit tiring, but not as much as I thought it would be.

Maybe the most surprising was that I felt that I was at work ALL DAY (my day is 9:30-2:30), but if I had stayed at home that day, I would be saying "it's ONLY 2:30?! I miss Mr. O!"  It is disappointing to feel that I worked oh-so-much and then look at my hours and see I really am only part-time.

I am so proud of my parish for being not being afraid to hire me, a nursing mama, and letting me bring Zuzu with me. I feel supported and appreciated; not once this week did anyone treat me rudely, unprofessionally, or discourteously. My nursing was respected, Zuzu was coo'd at but not overly-so, and the pastor was still comfortable asking me to take on projects and do my job.

So it's clear that it's doable. But is it what I am called to, here and now? I am still figuring that out. My Boss and I agreed that we would keep the lines of communication open, and that if it didn't work for either of us, no hard feelings.

I wonder if it's hard for me, mentally, to be doing this because I never thought I would work outside the home. One of the things Tom and I agreed on most strongly before we wed was that once we had children, I would stay home with them. We wanted it that way - the home is a sacred space that should be tended by a diligent and faithful guardian. All my life, I have aspired to be that guardian.

So I keep wondering - why am I letting that go? Why am I leaving my hearth unattended for 5 hours a day, 4 days a week? Part of it is because I feel guilty for the school debt I brought to my marriage; I want that to go away as soon as possible. I also want to be of service to my parish, and the job of assistant to the pastor is really a ministry.

When stated this way, home seems like this glorious refuge, and work a dutiful slog. But I know that's not true - it's more complicated than that.

Would I work if we had all the money in the world? Of course not.

But do I think it's right that I can go to work with my baby, but would chose not to, and put my family under more financial strain? I don't know.

I am still figuring this all out. But I am lucky that I work someplace that wants me to be holy more than it wants me to work for them.


Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Homemaking Arts

Yesterday after getting a massage (thanks to my great friend Roz at Cleansing Springs!) I headed over to the library since it's right nearby. I had forgotten how much I love going to the library - all those books, and they're FREE. It's like Christmas! I usually get books on a theme, so this time I checked out their local Florida section (replete with gardening guides and cookbooks) and their craft section (how-to books mostly).

The Benedictine Melk Library in Austria, courtesy of Emgonzalez


I successfully navigated my way around the gardening and cooking books. But then I came to the 600s and gaped. There's a difference between knitting and crocheting? Needlepoint and embroidery? Does anybody  hand quilt? I realized in that moment how little I know about homemaking arts, and how their decline is probably the number one reason why people ask me, "what do you do all day if you don't work and don't have kids!?!" Women back in the day were probably quite busy, but now, if you buy everything, what DO you do? My mom has also pointed out that it used to be cheaper to make your own clothes, but that it's not true anymore. You can get kids dresses on clearance at target for $5, but you can't make one for that amount.  Granted, it probably balances out if you're making in bulk and of course the quality is probably better if you make it yourself, but strict financials might go to the side of buying clothes at least.


Girls used to learn these things from their mothers, I suppose. I just never did. Now, my mother was excellent at most of these things: cooking, keeping a beautiful home (decorating AND cleaning), sewing, quilting, and gardening. Kim enjoyed needlepoint, I seem to remember, and I think my mom has a framed sampler of hers. I just never learned anything but cooking and keeping house (although I seem to have really been failing at that last part lately...). And I realize now that I want to. There is little I love more than when I get things done around the house, and I get so excited for Tom to come home and see what I've done. I love having others over and opening our home to them. I don't care if it's dated or that some people think it's silly. 

Can anyone tell me where this picture came from? I found it online only after MUCH searching, since I've seen it in stores before, but couldn't find the title or artist. 


The truth is that I am proud of working in the home, more proud than anything I have ever done as a student or professionally. I receive greater peace working at home, helping others, gardening, cooking, learning to serve, than I have in my studies of history, politics or the law. I cannot express how ashamed I am that it took me 8 years, several degrees, and thousands of dollars to learn this. I wish I had known sooner! But at least I am doing his will now, and if I am called outside the home, I am sure I will follow. But for now, I want to learn more - I want to learn knitting, crocheting, quilting, needlepoint, and sewing...I want to be a woman who can do things with her hands, not just think of great -ologies and -isms. I got a book on knitting at the library, so maybe I'll start there. My neighbor can sew, and Cam can do anything, so I'm sure I can ask for help as I learn...! 

I hope you all are finding some activity that lights up your mind and heart to learn this New Year. Even if you think it's too late to acquire a skill, remember it's never too late to be what you might have been (George Eliot, aka Mary Ann Evans). And on a light-hearted note, remember we women can always find one way to make our husbands happy:

This is Tom's favorite sexist 1950s add. We spent a little bit this morning looking up some of them and dying laughing. This one he seemed to take quite seriously.