Babies as Trophies, Oh My!

In the most interesting misreading of a post I've ever seen, my friend Cam had to defend herself yesterday against an anonymous commenter who claimed Cam wanted to be pregnant just to appear more pious. This person seemed to feel that she was in a position "from a more experienced mom to a younger one" to lecture Cam about being patient while waiting for her next child.

Although her intentions were (hopefully) good, there were in her writings several problems that I often encounter myself. There are some people who think that those of us who want, but do not yet have, big families want them for the wrong reasons. That we want them to appear pious, or that we regard them as trophies or, like sacraments!, outward signs of inward graces. What I think many people forget is that, for women like Cam and I, we genuinely enjoy children. We like them. Well, yes, they can be expensive, noisy, and rather put a damper on our daily schedule, but we like them anyway. We don't like them because the Pope told us to, or because we think that we're going to impress everybody when we have them, because they make us look good - we just like them for who they are.


I was talking to my friend Jenn the other day and we agreed that for as long as we could remember, we wanted to be a mom - preferably one to a big family. Jenn asked if Tom and I would use NFP to space our children. I replied that although we would have to make the decision anew after each blessing, that from where we're standing now, we probably wouldn't. I already know that telling people that could bring a storm of criticism: that I don't know what I'm talking about because I don't have any children yet, that it's irresponsible, that it could be really emotionally and physically exhausting, that it's not a race. But I think what people who can get pregnant very easily forget is that for those of us with special problems (like PCOS), we never know when our fertility is just going to...stop. I would be so sad if Tom and I decided to abstain, and then it was 10 months because I ovulated again! The question Tom and I face everytime we chose the possibility of getting pregnant is, "are we comfortable with the idea of never getting pregnant again?" Once we have children, the question will become "have we discerned that our most recent child should be our last?"

The plain fact is that children are blessings, and being chosen to receive such a beautiful blessing is always an honor. It's natural, and good, for people to desire such blessings. Even if you don't feel that way yourself, it shouldn't surprise you that others feel that way.