Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Catholic Sex

WARNING: I talk about sex below, but not my sex life. Just sex in general. FYI. Dad, please stop reading anyway, thanks!

I was on CAF (Catholic Answers Forum) the other day and someone legitimately asked the question: what  lubricants are permitted by the Catholic Church. I almost fell off my chair. This same person said they knew certain positions were forbidden, but they didn't know which ones, causing me to spill my tea. By the time they got to the end of their post, I think I had destroyed my entire desk area out of slap-stick amazement. I kept yelling out loud, seriously? SERIOUSLY?? 


Now, granted, I come from a liberal atheist background. My mom was very open with me about sex, and because of my love of reading, I had read every book on sex I could get my hands on by the time I was 16 (despite the fact that I wasn't having sex). So when I became Catholic, I had a lot of questions about what Catholics thought about sex and I wanted 'em answered. I found those answers so compelling, I converted and then went right on to my masters work in moral theology (focus on human sexuality) at CUA. I guess I find the academic study of sex more interesting than the average girl.

Best Thomistic introduction to moral theology, including sexual ethics, I have read so far. It's academic, but still accessible. 


I wrote that poster a response, but then I got thinking about how many misconceptions good, Catholic people have about sex and all that it entails. I have had many married Catholic friends who have asked me sex questions that have blown my mind: questions about conception, contraception, NFP, enjoying sex, hygiene, and biology - questions I thought were common knowledge. I know I'm lucky: I got to study these questions in a formal, academic setting, so we covered most all of the bases and I had to buy a ton of books with concise answers and explorations of topics.

My second favorite moral theology primer. Servais Pinckaers' writing is fabulous and several passages of this book have provided wonderful meditation material. 


But...shouldn't there be some resource that helps faithful Catholics have a good sex life? There are a few good books, but not many in terms of practical frank discussions of what being sexual entails. There's a few okay websites, but many of them are Protestant, so they don't address the full breadth of Catholic issues. So I was thinking...what if I did that? What if I started a website geared at helping faithful married Catholics answer the questions they have about sex and sexuality, faithful to the Magisterium, mindful of the teachings of John Paul II, and incorporating modern science? I could recruit other people to write articles for the website so that there's a broader scope than just my own personal, limited experience, take questions submitted via email, and have male and female geared topics. I want to address wedding night sex, sex after kids, sex after menopause, the affect of infertility on a person's sex life, and even include people's personal testimonies about why they started being faithful to the teachings of the Church in a certain sex and/or marriage related area. I of course want to have a resources section with books that are helpful and links to websites with more in-depth articles on certain subjects like NFP, infertility, or common sexual problems.

Best popular book on sex I've read so far, but it doesn't (and can't) answer everything...


So that's what I'm thinking of doing in 2012: starting a Catholic sex website. What do you think? Good idea, bad idea? Do you have any topics suggestions, or would you be interested in being a guest writer? Even better, do you have an idea for a NAME for the website? My husband has been working on this, and so far my favorite is "Hot n' Holy" but I think that sounds more like a porn site than I really want...so any non-porn site suggestions would be appreciated!!

14 comments:

  1. It sounds like a good idea. I would love to see a section on infertility treatments, as I am exploring our options, and want to stay faithful to the Church. Maybe a name from Genesis would be good for the website. Well, better go chase after my 3-year old, good luck!

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    1. ok this is waaaay late because it is now late june 2012, but check out the gianna center in new york, or NaPro Technology (you can look it up). it helps support your natural fertility and they have a higher success rate than IVF AND! they are endorsed or whatever by the church :) good luck!

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    2. Thanks for pointing that out, Anon! I should have caught this way back then - because NaPro is what helped Tom and I conceive!!

      Thanks for bringing that up!

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  2. I love it! Um, I will have to ponder some names though.

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  3. Love, love, love this!! Sharing it and will be thinking about names!

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  4. YES! Great idea! Coming from a revert, this was the thing I struggled with the absolute most when I came home to the Church. And even though I had to take the "God's Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage" class as part of my convalidation, it wasn't enough. Plus, it can be embarrassing to ask certain questions, especially if you feel particularly bad about wanting to know the answer in the first place.
    I second something from Genesis... I'll think on it.

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  5. Thanks for the support, ya'll! I'm glad to know people think there's a need. Keep me posted on name ideas and start a list of your questions, so I can work on getting them answered!

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  6. I think it is a great idea. I think you should also include a section on "the sex talk" with your kids and intimacy/sex in a second marriage (obviously after first one was annulled). How about GreatCathoilicsex.com
    Would love to chat about this with you sometime.

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  7. Hot n' Holy had me laughing hysterically! And I'll definitely help out! We should totally get together this week. Paul starts school so I'll be free pretty much all the time!

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  8. lol i agree, i think hot'n'holy is a great name! maybe it will even help those who have porn problems:) i would like to know about say is it allowable to touch yourself during sex? i read holy sex! it's a great book. the best i could find. i really wish "those" catholics, the ones who seem like they have sticks up their whoozies, would just be frank and honest and not treat sex in such a staunchy way. they make it seem like sex is the Grimace when it shouldn't be at all! i think it's a great idea to have this website and that way we can all talk as faithful catholics. can't wait!! :O)

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    1. Hey Bec! Thanks for the comment. Great question about self-touching during sex; let me work on a post about that and I'll get back to you.

      I think many Catholics, in a desire to protect what is sacred and holy, forget to evangelize that sex is GOOD. But this is changing...and there are more Catholics who are willing to be open. But of course, we still strive to be modest - we wouldn't talk about these things in front of kids, or give details that would make our spouse feel disrespected! There's great opportunities for dialogue, and I think they're coming along!

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  9. Hi! I know this is very old, but I just recently married and cannot find anything online to help answer questions. As I was reading this I was thinking this website would be awesome! But I don't see any mention of the website coming into being....did you ever pick a name? If not, please do! :)

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    1. It's not so much specific questions I feel I have but a general lack of knowledge. Marriage should come with an instruction manual.

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    2. So true!
      I haven't done anything here yet, but I did find a website that is...well, basically just what I wanted! Check it out - http://catholicsexy.blogspot.com/

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Comments make me feel like I'm not just talking to myself or the government (because I know the government secretly reads my blog). Help me feel less crazy - comment away!