Monday, March 19, 2012


The truth is, I am not a people person.

 It was not until I read "A Florence King Reader" that I felt I could truly identify with someone on this issue (which is saying something, considering Florence is the beloved lesbian monarchist and Anglican who maintained weekly column in the National Review for years) Florence is witty, biting, and not just a little bit tired of humanity. I am not sure that this is entirely virtuous, but I feel like I know everything she is saying. The large majority of human talk and squabble I feel I could quite comfortably ignore for the rest of my life. Walk away and live in a log cabin with dogs, occasionally waving at the postman, hammering away on some ancient typewriter and having an evening pipe and whiskey. I could clomp around in waders and wear plaid, say things like "confounded machine!" while whacking my cast iron stove with my walking stick.

One of my favorite magazines and also the way I want to dress. 

But maybe the deeper truth is, 'tis life that's made me this way. In looking for a picture of myself to typify my attitude towards humanity, I couldn't find any of me alone. All were of me in groups, looking relatively happy. I love my friends, so perhaps what's really  happened is - now they all feel so far away, and the nature of friendship has changed. How does one maintain friendships after marriage? When suddenly living 10 minutes apart and having busy schedules feel like insurmountable obstacles - what then? Suddenly, all that fills my personal landscape are short phone calls, short and polite conversations with neighbors, or else dinners wherein we pat each other on the back for believing the same thing. 

What does true community look like, after one is married? This I have not been able to discern, and in my poverty of spirit, have instead started to become a misanthrope, disillusioned and generally isolated. I suppose I will have to learn, but in the limbo between "just" being a wife and being a mother to a baby, it has seemed a bit...difficult. Have I made it so? I do not have children to make mommy-friends with, and my single friends have more freedom than I. To be honest, my heart yearns for them - all the dear girls that made me the best version of myself. 

St. Patty's Day 2009: me, Colly, and Jen (Tom is taking the picture)

Ally, me, and Jen in France, 2007

Law school break - Erin treated me to an Auburn game!

Oldie but goodie - April, me, and Shae for homecoming spirit day in high school. Go Bears!

1 comment:

  1. I have the same problem. Had I not moved away from my college friends, I would still have a small (yet perfect for me) group of girlfriends locally. But when I moved 3 years ago, I've found it very hard to fit into a group. I'm not a partier/drinker type, I'm not single, and I'm not a mother... those seem to be the three groupings here. It's frustrating, and as someone who craves 'girl time' with very close friends, I often feel isolated and empty. Good post.


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