Thursday, April 17, 2014

What the Heck is There to Say?

I'm sure you can tell - I haven't exactly been blogging up a storm here lately.

Mostly it's because I am busy (aren't we all?). I don't make time for it - I want to sit and browse endless for lingerie sales. (no really - this is my favorite way to waste time on the internet. I dream of finding an 80% off sale at Journelle where all the bras are in my size and made of sea foam colored lace and mesh. Also, it would be cool if Eberjey made my size or if Fleur of England cost the same as Wacoal). I know shoes and home wares from Anthropologie are the more acceptable forms of female obsession, but this is mine)

But what I'm really thinking is: what exactly do I have to say? To the world - to you, my readers (most of whom I have no clue who you are and others who stay anonymous, but I know you're reading).

I have a pretty great life, honestly. The struggles I endure are quite minuscule; they only seem large because I am so selfish and small. Sometimes, when I think of how good my life is, I get frightened - like God views life as a balancing scale, and he sees I'm tipping it way too much and he's going to send some cancer/death/poverty/etc. my way just to even it out.

I have also figured out that for most people, they don't want to read a happy blog. Happiness is boring. Y'know, like that Russian guy said: "happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Granted, I think my happiness might be unique because I'm not thin or good at photography (is that a prerequisite for a great mommy blog??), but still - I am an upper middle class white mom who works part-time as a youth director, but mostly stays at home. My husband's job has taken us to Rome and will soon take us to Ireland. Who wants to hear me cry about not fitting into jeans from seven years ago? (but seriously - I love those jeans and will never sell them because one day I will punish my body enough that it will shrink into the size 8 oblivion it needs to be to fit into those pants)

But what's the alternative? Write about how every third time I open my washing machine, a roach scurries into its depths? (it's terrifying - Florida is the land of bugs) Who wants to hear about my inexplicable ability to keep a clean house with only one child, or how I always end up throwing away food that's languishing in my fridge because our microwave broke like six months ago and sometimes, I'm just too lazy to turn the stove/oven on to reheat leftovers so I get take-out?

The truth is, I think I need to write a little of both - about our happiness and my corresponding snubs to the overtures of grace that God is constantly offering me. In the big picture, I have very few worries and am mostly happy. But in the day-to-day grind, sometimes I feel overwhelmed: by my stunning loss of ambition, with my own inadequacy as a house keeper, with my own materialistic desires, with my near pathological refusal to let anything bother me (because then I'd have to admit that something was wrong).

As I said to Calah the other night, the work is the glory. The work that I'm doing - in my life, with my family - that's what I have to share here. If I share it honestly, maybe then that'll be something worth saying.


  1. I think everyone has a different reason for blogging and writing. I think you should just write about whatever the heck you want to and who cares if people like it or how many people read it. I love to blog because I love the writing process...I love feeling the words flow out of me. I love the creative outlet. I love coming up with just the right turn of phrase or way to put something.

    I know I will never be a big, popular blogger. I just won't. Popularity just isn't my blood. And, that's okay, because I write for me and no one else .

    I think different people like different things in blog. Some like to read about crafting or food or theology or parenting or "day in the life" or whatever. Just write about whatever you want and don't worry about what other people like to read.

    1. I think you're right - that I should write what I feel called to write. But I think also my word choice was poor -

      More than writing what people want to read, I mean, writing what is edifying to people. When we keep a personal blog, there are parts of us that we share and parts we don't share - but it's how we make that choice that interests me. I make that choice by what I think might interest people AND what might be helpful. I don't think it's helpful to share how wonderful my life is - I think that's tempting others to envy or scorn.

      Most blogs get popular initially because their message is the most universally helpful in some way (humor, relatability). It's not that I want to reach the most people, but it's that I want what I post to be the most helpful out of what I can offer - either by being interesting, funny, thought-provoking, food for thought...

      Sometimes I just find myself posting whatever, instead of really being intentional. And if a blog is something I'm going to devote time to, I want it to be serving some sort of purpose.

      Does that make more sense??

  2. Write about your anything! You're blog is lovely! And include roaches when inclined...I can commiserate!

    1. Haha, thank you so much Angie!

      You may be able to commiserate, but I know it would horrify my mother! ;)

  3. Write about your anything! You're blog is lovely! And include roaches when inclined...I can commiserate!


Comments make me feel like I'm not just talking to myself or the government (because I know the government secretly reads my blog). Help me feel less crazy - comment away!