Thursday, September 20, 2012

From Miffed to Peeved!

Well I'm suffering from a major lack of creativity. Due to my own desire to be less negative but also somehow more private, I seem to have robbed myself of anything at all to write about. Until something public and positive happens, I guess I'll be quiet (which means you'll hear from me around the time of the Second Coming). Don't worry, I'm sure soon I'll get over this soon and write something incredibly offensive or entirely too personal - with me, you never have to wait too long!

Until then, I leave you this lovely bit of comedy, wrongly attributed to John Cleese and incredibly insulting to many world peoples, but still very funny:

From the BBC - by John Cleese.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the
blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when
threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they
have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks [the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath], New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is 'Croikey, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us.' In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi."

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!",
"I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend", and "The barbie is
cancelled." There has never been a situation which has warranted the final threat level. 

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