Sorry, but...

Thrush is back, so I am not.

Lying low while I rehabilitate myself once again. It's definitely not as bad as last time, but I'm also not taking any chances. Once again it snuck up on me while I wasn't paying attention - I shrugged off a few symptoms here or there, powered through some pain, then woke up one morning and said "oh crap."

Word to the wise: even if you have a lot of other things going on, please pay attention if your "ni-nis" hurt.

What I Would Have Said to the Pediatrician

I had a frustrating pediatrician's appointment yesterday. I would have loved to get in her face with facts, but I just don't have the personality for it; it seems so rude and not befitting a professional situation. 

But if general decorum did not prevent me, here are some things I would have said to her:

ONE. 

Nighttime breastfeeding does not cause tooth decay. Bottles work different from breasts; breasts do not give milk unless the baby is actively sucking. If the baby is suckling, then he is also swallowing because the milk is already past the teeth. Please do not tell me to wean my child from night nursing because it will cause tooth decay - that's simply not true. 

TWO. 

Although weaning is a very personal process, it's weird to encourage weaning based on the following reasons: she'll soon "ask for it" or will "lift up your shirt." If you are concerned these things will bother me, the appropriate way to approach this is to ask me how nursing is going and if I have any concerns, then to highlight some coming changes that may affect our nursing relationship, including increasing verbal skills and gross motor movements. 

Also - Is it a bad thing for a child to ask for food, including breastmilk? Should I be afraid that there will be a learning curve in my child learning manners, like not throwing food or not lifting up my shirt? 

THREE. 

Breastmilk never ceases to be nutritious. Yes, it's content changes and it gradually constitutes less and less of a child's caloric intake - but it never ceases to be breastmilk and starts to be water, or something else devoid of nutrients. So when you tell me it does, I lose trust in you and your medical knowledge.

FOUR. 

Nursing to sleep is normal for breastfed babies. Please tell me why it's necessary for my baby to fall asleep without nursing. Not your opinion, but why - medically. Aha, there's no reason? That's what I thought. You are entitled to have opinions about parenting, as am I - but you must provide reasons for my consideration and not just proclaim your opinions as settled facts. Then I get to consider your reasons and make a decision. You are not an absolute monarch.

FIVE. 

Just because the majority of schools and daycares required a certain vaccine does not answer my concerns about a vaccine. When I ask for a medical reason for a vaccine, do not tell me some children have died and the county requires it for school. Some kids die from vaccine reactions (link to US Dept of Health and Human Services required reporting on vaccine injuries and vaccine injury compensation). The county also requires sex education! Those are not medical reasons to avoid vaccines or submit my child to county-mandated sex education. 

It was a pretty upsetting visit. Many of the statements made, especially in regards to breastfeeding, were made out of ignorance - and this is from a practice known to be nursing friendly! Ah well. Maybe I'll write a letter about this when I ask for Zuzu's medical records...since we certainly won't be going back.

Lazy Sunday Bits and Pieces

Sometimes I have wondered if my family will ever experience Sundays the way others talk about them. We do not get to all leisurely relax or sleep-in; Mr. Oram gets up at 6:15 to get ready and head to play the 7am Mass. He does comes home for a leisurely lunch, if there are no extra Masses for the day, but then leaves again for rehearsal and evening Mass. Sunday as a day set aside for rest and extra prayer - well, at least he gets the latter if not the former! 

But today, as I registered in the early morning haze that he was kissing my forehead before walking out the door, I snuggled into the covers and gave a contented sigh. When Zuzu woke up, we played around a bit - watered the plants, walked the dog, video chatted with my parents. Then I put her down for naptime early - she seemed tired - and we snuggled in bed. She was a bit fussy, so I just pulled her into my chest and stroked her head, which in a surprising moment of calm, she let me do. I stroked her head for a long time, till I felt her breath, deep and easy. I laid her back down and she startled a bit, wanting to nurse for juuuust a wee moment. I obliged. It felt like Sunday afterall - no hurrying to jump up and study, no rushing to get her down and get on with chores. Just time to drink in her sweetness. 

I love nursing. I love every part of nursing. I love the connection between she and I, the cuddles it promotes, the way it can be sweet or silly at turns. I adore it when Mr. O lays in bed or on the couch with us, holding me as I hold her - looking down at her with me. I don't feel apart from him when we nurse; I feel his eyes on me, know that he is proud of me. It brings a feeling of deep satisfaction about my body, not unlike how I felt after her birth. I am grateful this Sunday for my ability to nurse my daughter and be so supported in it. 

Interesting links for the week: 

• I really adored this slideshow of Extreme Breastfeeding Images. I found the pictures funny and inspiring! Women who take their children with them out into the world are enforcing the idea that our ability to be engaged with the 'greater' world should not come at the sacrifice of family life. 

• A fascinating look at how some Orthodox Jews view breastfeeding. I have a deep and abiding love of Orthodox Judaism; I always say if I hadn't become Catholic, I'd be either OJ, Mormon, or Amish. Pretty much anyone with a strong sense of culture and a tradition of headcovering. :) 

• I thought this compilation of the faces of grooms seeing their brides was heartwarming. What a lovely moment that is indeed! I'm reminded of the line in the Twila Paris song, 'How Beautiful' - "how beautiful/ the radiant Bride/who waits for her Groom/ with his light in her eyes/how beautiful/ when humble hearts give/ the fruit of pure love/ so that others may live/ How beautiful!" When I was walking down the aisle, all I saw was Mr. Oram waiting for me - it felt like I think Heaven will feel like, if I get there, God willing! Clouds of witnesses on either side, but I only have eyes for my Lover, who waits for me with joy and expectation! 

• For those who are secret-aspiring-linguists, like myself, you will undoubtedly enjoy this map showing differences in pronunciation around the country. 

• For anyone who has ever watched the show the Bachelor, this delightful humorous spinoff will have you giggling. Don't forget to watch Episodes 2 and 3 as well! (Mom, please watch these, I promise you'll laugh!) 

• Lastly, have you heard of Imagine Sisters? They are a movement to show religious life to America. Although religious sisters used to be ubiquitous with Catholic schools, they were disappearing for a while there...but not anymore! This movement shows the vibrancy and beauty of resurging religious life in America. Sound great? Well, even better, they're making a documentary called Light of Love! Watch the trailer here. But they need help to make it. Would you consider giving even a dollar for their efforts? As these are women who have made vows of poverty, they are relying totally on donations to make this film! Please if you can, support their efforts and in so doing, support religious vocations.

I hope you all have a restful, prayerful Sunday! 

More Thoughts on Modesty and Nursing

Huge thanks to Katherine over at Having Left the Altar for finding and pointing out this amazing comment on another post (Is Female Purity Bull****? by the ever-controversial Marc Barnes, censorship my own). I am reprinting it here in full; the author has not given herself a name, but identifies herself only as 'a mom.' I think her excellent thoughts give us a really great vision of what we want to strive for - how men should regard nursing women, and how women might regard themselves as they do so.

"Sexuality" is the quality of being either male or female.

Women have breasts that are able to nourish a child. Men don't. Breastfeeding is, therefore, an inherently "sexual" capability. In other words, it differentiates one sex from another.

The essential difference between the sexes points to our complementarity, and our complementarity points to the fact that we are called to sexual unity. This is the logic built into our sexual -- male and female -- bodies.

So yes, it's perfectly "natural" that that which differentiates us helps to attract one sex to the other. It's perfectly "natural" that there would be an element of awe, an element of attractive beauty attached to what is "other" or outside of our own experience of life. "I'm made for you. You're made for me. We see this in our bodies. We belong together."

But that logic of complementarity, in the mystery of its imago dei, does not simply feed one into the other, as if it were a matter of filling a mutual void. No, the logic of complementarity that we read in our bodies necessarily pours outward in new fruitfulness, increasing wonder upon wonder.

Thus, when men (or women) make the argument that mothers ought to cover up when breastfeeding "because their breasts are sexual," my heart aches for the vision they lack.

By reducing "sexual" to "that-which-arouses-me," they have reduced complementarity to an exchange of self-serving use, and have severed its fruitfulness. In saying the "erotic" value of the breasts trumps the nurturing, self-donative value, they have shown their ignorance of the meaning of "sexual" in the first place, and in doing so have shown their poverty. And those who insist upon this poverty, as if it is "just how God designed men," are missing out -- not just on the full beauty of the sexuality of women, but in the dignity of the sexuality of men.

That child breastfeeding is the crown of our sexual complementarity -- a gift that completes the sexual logic of our bodies and showcases it in all its glory. That child is a reminder to a man that a woman is his equal in dignity, not his object of pleasure or his toy. That child reminds man that together he and she have poured their lives out to one another for neither simply his sake nor hers, but for that of another.

A man who is truly attracted to the full sexuality of a woman should see in the act of breastfeeding the epitome of her sexuality -- and his response should be awe, gratitude, and respect. It should be the same awe and gratitude with which a father watches his wife gently tend to any of their child's other needs with the special grace bestowed upon her.

It should never be a jealous, "I wish I were in the child's place," nor an uneasy battle with an interior desire to "have" or "own" her, nor disapproval or disgust. The latter, sadly, are too often the reality for those who make the argument that women ought hide themselves away while breastfeeding. They are the mark of a man who wants to keep woman for himself.

Yes. Breastfeeding is sexual. It is something only she can do. And we should thank her for it, as it is a reminder that we all exist for the good of the other."

More Nudity Thoughts: What is Modest Breastfeeding?

Today I read this article by Amber Hines about being told to stop nursing in public. The comments are atrocious, as usual. But it just kept my thoughts going...

Most people's objections to nursing in public without a cover fall into these categories: 1) it is immodest and could provide a stumbling block to men (like a revival of the 2-piece debate), or 2) that's a bodily function private act, like going to the bathroom, or 3) if it makes someone uncomfortable, don't do it.

Arguments two and three are easily dismissed. Breastfeeding is eating, not eliminating, and the comparison of the two is unwarranted. The idea that we should refrain from something just because it makes someone uncomfortable is blatantly false - I wouldn't give a rats if me praying before meals made someone uncomfortable, etc. etc.

So it's back to the modesty question. Does breastfeeding, discreetly, but without a cover, violate the prohibition to Catholic people to be modest? Also, what part does culture play in this debate - to what degree is modesty a construct of culture, and how much should we try to change that culture, if indeed it needs changing?

NB: For those wondering why it would be such a big deal for women to wear a cover, I would like to say that some infants really don't tolerate covers. And if you're nursing older children, covers can become insanely attention-drawing as the child thrashes about or tries to play peek-a-boo with it. 

What is Modesty? 

As any good Catholic would, I looked first to the Catechism for an exploration of this subject! The Catechism has several things to say on modesty, but what I found most elucidating was: 

"2524    The forms taken by modesty vary from one culture to another. Everywhere, however, modesty exists as an intuition of the spiritual dignity proper to man. It is born with the awakening consciousness of being a subject. Teaching modesty to children and adolescents means awakening in them respect for the human person." 

and: 

"2522    Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships; it requires that the conditions for the definitive giving and commitment of man and woman to one another be fulfilled. Modesty is decency. It inspires one’s choice of clothing. It keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet. (2492)

I think this gives us some direction in the conversation. What is most interesting to me here are the two bolded portions (which was my addition).

CCC 2524 tells us by the first sentence that the Church acknowledges some changing norms with culture, but does not make it an absolute pass - good. 

Then we read that teaching modesty (and we must realize that our actions are always teaching someone something, especially for those of us with little ones about) is primarily about "awakening in them respect for the human person." Hmmm. 

When we are nursing, there are two humans involved, both due respect. The mother (that's us reading, I assume) and the baby (if you're capable of reading this, I'd love to meet you). I do wonder if nursing, discreetly, will teach young children and adolescents to respect mothers and babies. I think for young women, it certainly would - probably a big reason why young women fear motherhood and all that entails (including nursing) is because they do not see it. Nursing is a wonderful way to show the beauty of God's design for mothers and babies. 

But what about for boys? I know certainly that male adolescents might feel rather uncomfortable. But perhaps (and I'm just exploring this here) it might be good for them. The fact is that everywhere they go, adolescent boys are bombarded with distorted images of women - women who are airbrushed, wearing very impractical clothing, in unnatural positions, beckoning, always beckoning. Nearly every image of a woman they see implies sex...but rarely babies. So he is encouraged in his visual encounters to think of sex as the contraceptive culture wants him to - as a very fun recreational activity having no consequences, let alone no true joy beyond the fleeting pleasure it promises. 

Perhaps, to a degree, a nursing mother might show a different picture and awaken in him respect for women and children. 

The bold portion of CCC 2522 adds, perhaps, a chastening word to CCC 2524. "[Modesty] keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet." (emphasis mine) Hmmm. I readily agree that a nursing mother may be risking unhealthy curiosity by nursing without a cover in front of an adolescent boy. I am called to mind the moment when I realized my nephew could no longer join me and all my nieces in the dressing room - he was realizing there was a difference between his body and ours,  and was curious about it. This curiosity was not bad, but it was not appropriate to draw it out more than necessary. There needed to be a veil there. 

It is not unhealthy for children to be curious about how babies are fed by their mothers. It is unhealthy for an adolescent boy to want to catch more than a glimpse of a young mother's breasts. 

What I think this gives us is a guideline. Wherever I may be inviting unhealthy curiosity, I should use a cover. But just what is unhealthy is mine to judge. For instance, I nursed without a cover at the beach the other week. I did so because it was quite warm and because my child's sunhat is so large, I did not feel I was being exposed. The crowd around us was mostly families or older people, and those who did notice what I was doing did not seem very interested in it at all. 

We should not behave as if breastfeeding is anything to be ashamed of; indeed, it is not. But for some people, notably boys-on-the-verge-of-becoming-men, they may not yet have fully internalized our teachings. It is a difficult time for young boys, to control their hormones and their eyes, to tame their curiosity and imaginations. It may be most charitable around them to be more discreet, to use a cover. I certainly do so around my young nephews - I'm still giving a witness of the beauty of the bond between mother and baby. They know what I'm doing under my cover. They also learn to avert their eyes, say when the baby is done feeding and I'm struggling to get everything covered back up under my nursing cover! They learn that they can have a conversation with me while I'm nursing and then maybe offer to take the baby once she's finished, so that I can cover back up. Honestly, I've had some very tender moments with these sweet boys, who love my daughter so much and try so hard to be loving to she and I whenever we visit (which is all too infrequently!).

These are my thoughts on nursing with modesty, anyway. It is certainly an individual determination based on the circumstances, your own comfort level, and your own sense of appropriateness. The best guide, then, is to honor the spirit of the law and ensure we always respect the dignity of all persons - not only ourselves and our children, but those around us as well.

200th Post: Nudity!

Just a quick post (do I know any other kind?) to say - it's my 200th post! If I were more organized, I'd do a giveaway!! ...probably of my laundry, but then no one would be interested. Still, if anyone would like one, I'd be happy to offer, just give me some ideas.

So I read this hysterical article on where not to breastfeed. I died laughing at the (non-graphic) pics...but then I thought: "huh. What do I think about nursing without a cover?"

I always nurse with a cover when I'm in public. I find it to be more discreet and I'm a fairly modest person by nature, in that I do not enjoy drawing attention to my naked body. So then I thought "is nursing without a cover, wrong in itself?" Is it wrong for a Catholic woman to nurse without a cover?

I'm not sure. I have seen women nurse without covers who are very discreet - just looks like they're holding their baby close to their body. Others I've seen more, but it hasn't bothered me. I really like breastfeeding, not just for myself, but for all mothers - it's the best way for babies (and mothers) to be nourished. So I want to support it, and I don't want to be the modesty police because nursing is hard as it is - figuring it out, doing it even though it can be inconvenient, etc. Plus a part of me thinks - well, I see more boob than that on a gal at the checkout line at the grocery store! Why should I tell this woman to cover up?

Now, full warning, if I'm at home, I do NOT use a cover and nothing can make me. (although this is a recent decision, I should note) I now make it clear to my guests - I will be nursing in this room, if you don't want to see it, don't come in - if you don't care, neither do I. So far, this hasn't made anyone uncomfortable; my female friends usually will come in and chat with me, and their husbands stay with mine in the other room. It doesn't bother me. Now, this doesn't just go for my living room or bedroom, but for the front porch, back porch, backyard, etc. I am discreet, but I will not wear a cover outside - it's just too hot here and besides, Zuzu needs more Vitamin D and I like multitasking. (only slightly kidding)

So that's what's rambling around in my head. Any thoughts? Would you nurse in public without a cover - even if it's just hypothetical, as in, you have no babies as of yet?

7 Quick Takes: Breastfeeding Edition

-1-

So a friend of mine posted an article entitled 6 Reasons to Stop Breastfeeding the other day. And although I am all about women as individuals making good choices for their families, honestly, I found the the post troublesome.... So I thought I'd put some positivity out there, and highlight reasons to persevere in breastfeeding.

-2- 

Because it's nutritionally superior. If your parents were anything like mine, they worked their butts off so I could have the very best - of education, nutrition, love, support. So why wait till your child is learning their ABCs? The best for their growing bodies is breastmilk! It's specially formulated for that child at that moment in time - your body produces specialized milk with all the good stuff they need to gain weight and brain development. It's the infant version of eating their wheaties!!





These are the days of miracle and wonder by the incomparable Amanda Greavette

-3- 

It's free. Gotta admit, I can be a lil' cheap. And this stuff isn't only awesome, my body just makes it. Laying aside the cost of breast pads (for leaking) and some specialized wardrobe pieces (nursing turtle neck, anyone?), it doesn't cost anything. Well you do have to drink a lot of water. But that's free too, so n/m.

-4-

It's a miracle. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but I don't think there is any other situation wherein your body starts leaking a liquid and it's actually GOOD - for you and for someone else! Lactation is something sort of crazy and miraculous that I can do - it makes me feel very womanly (and slightly bad-ass).

Mother and Child by Mary Cassat

-5-

It's good for me. Although losing weight due to breastfeeding may be a myth (especially if you eat like poop because you think you can get away with it), breastfeeding does lessen your risk of cancer! It also sends all sort of awesome messages to your body to shrink the uterus back to its normal pre-baby size, to not ovulate for a while, and to love the little baby in your arms (thanks to that hormone oxytocin which is released when you nurse). This means that nursing can also help lessen PPD, although I certainly understand it can also make it worse for some women and am not pushing it as a cure-all for this very serious issue.

-6-

This time is so short. The fact is, my baby won't be a baby forever. I have such a small window of time to nurture her in this special way! Even if I am so blessed to have more babies to nurse, this is her time to have me loving her in such an intimate way. When she looks up at me and smiles, or pulls back to have a little chat during her snack, my heart melts as I realize, this won't last. Soon it'll be sippy cups and goldfish. So is it such a huge sacrifice to make for her for a year, maybe two? I don't think so, but even if it is...

-7- 

Sacrifice is good for me. It is not good for me to get my way too much of the time - then I start mistaking my will for God's will, and begin to think I am really hot stuff. I need to have other people around me, daily, who call me to 'die to self' - because it makes me stop thinking of myself, and become a servant of others, just like Christ. Breastfeeding forces my husband and I to see our bodies not as our own sensory wish-fulfillers, but as holy temples consecrated to God, that we use to serve one another and our families out of mutual respect and love. My body changes, and that kills my vanity; my time commitment to my husband changes, and that kills both of our selfishness in our relationship; my ability to do whatever I want changes, and that kills my possessiveness over my time.






I'm not claiming that breastfeeding is alway easy or fun or always feels great. But I think that's a good thing - it makes me realize that my vocation is hard, but good, and worth doing. I am a mother and that is a rough job. But I am called to this great adventure and with every nursing session, diaper change, patient word, kind smile, I am forming my soul and my daughter's.

Statue of Mary nursing Jesus at the Basilica of Santa Maria Maggiore

Discrimination v. Common Sense?

That seems to be the way the debate is framed over the American University professor who brought her baby to class and breastfed her. You can read the WaPo article or I can give you the highlights: single mom wakes up the morning of the first day of class to discover her baby has a slight fever, which means daycare is out, so what should she do? Cancel class and take a sick day, or bring her baby with her to the 75 minute lecture that kicks off her feminist anthropology class? She chose the latter.

So now we have one group brandishing feminist pitchforks and yelling, "it's her right, this is why women hit obstacles in their professional lives!" (discrimination) and the other side sticking their noses in the air and huffing, "it's unprofessional" (which they frame as common sense).

Maybe AU could've solved the issue by posting signs like these in the classrooms?

I'm not a, uh, lactivist (that's the term, right...) I don't think. I probably don't want to breastfeed in front of the whole world. But I still think I side with the pitchforking feminists. Here's why: despite my post the other day on how the pro-life movement isn't defined by our feelings on government-mandated charity, I do think there are policies and attitudes that move us towards a more pro-life culture that do not touch directly on abortion. That's not to say that you have to embrace these ideas in order to call yourself pro-life, but more that it might help to consider creative ways to transform culture towards being more pro-woman and pro-child.

I think this is one of those cases.

Rosie wore a button-down just for breastfeeding purposes, obviously.

The medical establishment finally has gotten something right and recognizes that breast is best (something God knew from the beginning, but since doctors think they're God they sometimes get confused about natural law) - and the Church encourages this. The Church also recognizes the incredible value of women in the workplace (see especially section 4 of that letter): that women ought to be encouraged to use their God-given talents to enrich the world. But sometimes, being a mother and having a job conflict. In these cases, it might be a good idea to have some flexibility so that women feel supported in their decisions. This doesn't mean that all women can breastfeed at work, necessarily; for some jobs in particular it would be disastrous (parish organist comes to mind...now THAT would be multitasking!). But it does mean that if a situation like this arose, the University could shrug it's shoulders and say "it happens." She took her child to work, once, for extenuating circumstances, and while the child was there, it needed to eat. Shouldn't that just be the end of the story?

There's some speculation that this lady did it for show. Sure, that's possible. But the principle can be discussed nonetheless. If we really believe that women should be part of the workplace, and we really believe that children should be breastfed, then maybe we need to craft policies that recognize this reality (there was a good post on this a few years ago at the ever-wonderful Blacktating). Women can't be separated from who they are biologically; we can't say we want women's brains, but not the rest of their bodies. This is the feminism that is stupid: respect women because we can act like men! No, respect women holistically by restructuring some aspects of society to value what does not have a price tag. If we say we want women to be able to have families and work, simultaneously, then we need to recognize that the workplace will have to change. Because we can't make our boobs detachable.

My inspiration is Italian Parliament member Licia Ronzulli, proudly wearing her baby while attending a session of Parliament to vote.