Now that I'm not working as the pastor's assistant, it's been a bit of an adjustment this week, getting used to not being in semi-panic mode at every moment. (did I do everything? how many phone messages do I have? I wonder how many people emailed me...did Father just call? I wonder if I ticked him off...if I wear a veil, will people judge me - will women think Father wants them to wear veils? oh no, I forgot to call someone back! etc etc etc)
It's been a transition for my mind, and although I really believe it's going to be good for me, right now, I'm struggling to find a new groove again. Since my husband and I choose to only have one car, it means that when he goes into work, I have to take him - unless I am okay being carless for the day. That's a good deal of planning ahead...how long does he need to go in, what do I need to get done, what time should I pick him up - all coordinated around my little darling's nap schedule.
I have started to get better about many things (meal planning, gardening, and keeping a family calendar - courtesy of Martha Stewart via Staples), but I'm still working on others (keeping house tidy, sticking to my self-imposed grocery shopping budget, making a cleaning schedule). I had a great talk with Mr. O last night about the life I've chosen - how I could work and make work a bigger focus. Like all SAHM (Stay At Home Moms), I have at times felt the urge to justify my decision.
But I suppose, as always, there is already a gallant English gentleman who has done it for me:
"How can it be a large career to tell other people's children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe?
How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No. A woman's function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness."
In my way I am striving to be comfortable in my new role and to feel no need to defend it. There should not be any logical disconnect between the two facts that I have a brain and I am choosing to stay at home; otherwise, we might as well say it is useless to educate a woman - because, after all, her main job will only be tending the children. As if children are so unimportant and simple that anyone might look after them.
It is a good occupation - one to keep me humble because the world does not esteem it, but still idealistic in my Anne-girl-way, because God certainly esteems it a great deal. It is hard, but sweet. I do think it shall suit me just fine.